you know what i mean, happy loving couples in matching lamb turtleneck sweaters reading ideal homes magazine

I swear I have a life outside of writing rambling blog entries.

I had a lovely weekend. Thursday I had my first classical guitar lesson. (Music career update: I really did not enjoy playing the accordion that much. I wished I did, but accordion lessons just weren't as fabulous as I'd hoped, so now I've decided to pursue the classical guitar instead, and I'm really really happy about it so don't criticize.) The lesson went as follows:

Guitar teacher: Hello. Let's say "du."

Me: Good.

Guitar teacher: Do you already play the guitar?

Me: Not really. I can play C...G...D...

Guitar teacher: Do you play another instrument?

Me: Yes, I play the piano.

Guitar teacher: So you read music?

Me: Yes.

Guitar teacher: Here are some papers. This one has a list of notes and where you can find them on the guitar. Here's some music. Now play. (Guitar teacher wanders away to the other side of the room and stares at the wall. Apparently I'm supposed to pretend he's not there.)

Me: (Plays pathetically.) Ummmmm.... (Starts over. Makes mistakes.) Uhhhh... (Plays the song through once. Makes more mistakes.)

Guitar teacher (returning): You're strumming with your thumb. People don't do that in real life. That's why you have fingers.

Me: Uh, OK. (Tries again.)

Guitar teacher: OK. That's enough for today. You did good; you can already play a song. Have a nice weekend. Bye.


So, not a complete failure. I have played the song lots since then and now I can sort of play it, but the strings buzz and I don't like holding the guitar classical guitar-style. But really, I am so motivated and excited to start playing the guitar because I love the guitar, especially mine at home, and finally I'm learning how to play something other than "The Times They Are A-Changin'" and multiple stupid songs I wrote. I also bought a UKULELE last week and I'm having fun; at first I was sure that I'd ended up with one of those awful untunable ukes (not surprising for 30€) but after a few days of tuning and re-tuning, it actually holds a tune okay, and five months without a ukulele has completely rekindled my love for the instrument.

On Friday I hung out with Alisa. She came to Pforzheim and we went to Konsumat and went shoe-shopping. I tried on some amazing shoes that I could not walk in, and she bought two pairs of shoes, and the woman working at the shop was nice. We went to the Pforzheim library, which is small but awesome, and I checked out an English book and two movies. Then we went to Karlsruhe, had pizza in a really nice restaurant, and went to a Kareoke bar. The Kareoke was fun, but I was recovering from being sick, so by the end of the night my throat was killing me, and it still hurts a little today. We were there with a couple of her friends, and we tried to find songs that we all knew... so unfortunately I didn't get to sing "Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)". The people there were mostly groups of five or so teenagers sitting together, except for this one man who was completely alone, and maybe 45 years old, with big glasses. He was an awful singer and he sang only totally German Volksmusik, so in between teenage girls singing pop songs there would be these ridiculous Volks-Lieder!! The other really funny thing was that the videos playing were not the real videos from the songs; they were terrible quality and often simply bizarre -- for example, accompanying the song "Candy Shop" was a video of Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum. Whoa, that's just not right?! Lots of ridiculous zooming in and out.

I slept over at Alisa's house and then drove back to Pforzheim. As soon as I arrived in the Bahnhof I heard people yelling. I assumed there was some kind of political protest going on, but no, it wasm the football fans. At least 50 guys yelling happily and waving blue-and-white flags passed by me on their way to their Bahn. I went to my bus, and five or six people inexplicably dressed as woodland creatures soon joined me. This is why I love living in Germany, guys.

When I got home, I asked my host family, "Did Karlsruhe win something?"

"Later," said Hans-Peter. "They're playing at 3:30."

Alex said, "Why?"

I said, "The men in the trainstation were very happy. I thought maybe Karlsruhe had won. I always know when they have lost, because sometimes I come in the train from Karlsruhe in the night, and they are drinking beer and screaming, and sometimes..." I made a hand motion as if I were slamming a beer bottle over someone's head.

My host family laughed. Hans-Peter said, "But Hamburg is also blue and white. They were probably here for the game, for Hamburg."

Me: "How do you know?"

Hans-Peter said completely seriously, "Oh, the Karlsuhe fans don't start so early."

Dingern, das mir gefallen

1. Pens, pencils, compasses, binders, protractors, school supplies.

2. The anti-ethanol ad near the Hauptbahnhof.

3. Kareoke.

4. The trains and buses.

5. Bread, especially the delicious Brötchen that Alisa's mom bought for me this morning.

6. My English class.

7. Hand cream.

8. The Pforzheim library.

9. Those hard core hip-hop kids who greet each other by kissing on the cheek.

10. Terrible TV movies that I watch with my host mom.

11. Being able to sort of understand and speak another language.

12. Umlaut. ä.ö.ü.

13. My daily bus ride to school.

14. Making friends with people who are unbelievably different from me.

15. Brief moments when I really feel like I have understood something thouroughly and/or contributed something to my life here.

16. Feldsalat. (It's called sheep's ear salad or something weird like that in English, apparently. I sort of don't want the winter to ever end because I love Feldsalat so much.)

17. Yogurt chocolate.

18. The fact that that word looks weird to me spelled with a Y now.

19. Having as much time alone as I'd like to. (Well, sometimes a little too much, but I generally don't mind being alone.)

20. Karlsruhe.


That was actually a lot harder than I expected. But it's refreshing to make a list now and then. I'm unsure whether the word above should be "das" or "dass." Normally, I'd write "dass", but the Rummy K box has recently made me skeptical.

i think i drank like five cups of tea today

Today I came home early from school because I am sick. Normally I bet I could have stuck it out, but I had Sport. Volleyball is awful under any circumstances, but when one is sick, it's attrocious. So I spent my day: drinking tea, sleeping, writing, and watching Desperate Housewives. My family at home is watching The Wire. I am watching Desperate Housewives. Katharina has the first season on DVD, and truly, I don't understand how a show could start out so terrible. In my experience, even mediocre shows are often at least a little bit clever in the first few episodes, but no. No, instead there are terrible puns, ridiculous storylines, and the most God-awful narrator I've ever heard.

Semi-related: my ONLY after school-activity in my second semester here is a weekly guitar lesson (my first one is one Thursday). This kind of terrifies me. I also have NO school past one o' clock -- which is good and everything, but I haven't really got friends, and there isn't quite enough time after school to drive to Karlsruhe during the week. I'm not really sure what to do. You would think, I'm in Germany, I'll figure something out, but I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY TIME.

Blogs, egoism

Reading my blog reminds me of something my dad said a long time ago.

Dad: Blogs are so irritating. All bloggers are egoists -- all they do is write about themselves!

Mom: But, you have a blog.

Dad: My blog has nothing to do with me!!

It's like a mojito party out there!

This weekend, Tang and I went to Martha's birthday party. Here we are in party outfits:




Before we went to the party, we had dinner at the Thai restaurant in Karlsruhe called Chiang Mai. It is SO SO GOOD. It makes Pforzheimer-Thai food look so crappy in comparison. I had a delicious spicy rice noodle soup. Sorry this picture is so blurry.



Karen and Karla dancing. I like this picture because you can really see what Candela looks like.



We had mojitos.



Afterwards, we missed the Straßenbahn to Martha's house, so we had to take this weird night bus. We were all sleeping over at Martha's house, seven or eight girls. Most people had school Bahncards, but I (and another girl) had to buy tickets from the ticket machines that I FINALLY figured out how to use properly. So I ran across the street to get tickets and came back and we just caught our bus. I stamped my ticket in the bus and sat down.

In Germany, nobody checks your ticket when you get in the bus, but every once in a while the "ticket man" comes to check everyone's ticket. The ticket man came. My ticket was valid, but two others hadn't stamped theirs, so the ticket man started yelling "Raus, raus!!" and we had to get off the bus, and two other Polizei came and started yelling at us. Since the girls from Stuttgart and Manheim were staying with Martha, they took her to the police station to get her address, and told the others they each had to pay 40€. But they kept insisting that they didn't have the money, so finally they just let us go. Several people were crying at this point. But not me. It wasn't really scary at all, just a little irritating since we had to wait an hour for the next Bahn and it was cold.

Yesterday I had Waffles with Aline and Rhonia and Franziska from my class. It was really nice, and we are going to get together to watch movies the weekend after next. Aline asked me if it was boring for me in my village, and I said yes, sometimes. She asked me what I do with my free time and I responded, "Read, watch TV, computer." Yes, that is literally all. Isn't that embarrassing? She said, "Then we have to meet up more often." I hope we do.

Sort of related to my free time -- I picked a lame time to go abroad, creativity-wise. Before I left I was writing a lot and just getting into philosophy and writing music, and now, I feel purposeless. I spend a lot of time on the computer, or even just lying around doing nothing. I know I would be bored if I were at home, and that this is the right place for me to be right now, but I'm not feeling inspired in the same way I thought I would. And I think a lot of this has to do with being so alone, honestly. I'm not alone, and I have support, but at home, I spend so much time talking with my family or my friends about things I'm interested in or ideas or whatever. And the fact that so much of what I thought of as my personality might have come strictly from the people I was surrounded by depresses me a little.

And now, a book

This is what we're reading in Deutsch right now -- too bad I'll never understand it, because I think it actually looks kind of interesting.

Pancakes

Here I am:



I didn't wear this outfit out of the house. In Germany I usually try to blend in on the bus with my jeans-boots-H&M-sweater combo. Instead, I wore it to make "American pancakes."

And here's my face:



Pancakes:



Note how round these pancakes are. It turns out I am actually quite good at making American pancakes -- hmmm, I never knew! They weren't a huge hit, but that doesn't matter. Making them made me first think of the pancakes my mom makes, whole wheat vegan ones with pumpkin and that are SO, SO GOOD, but then I started thinking instead of my dad making "breakfast for dinner": eggs and homefries with lots of garlic. And about how nobody in my house cares if the whole house smells like garlic, because garlic smells friggin good.

Thanks for your volleyball sympathy. I know I am a complainer, but it's frustrating sometimes. And my life in Germany isn't at all as frustrating as this blog makes it appear to be, either; I definitely use this blog to vent a little, which is why it's taken on a slightly depressing tone.

Good morning.

Obama, Volleyball, Housewives

First of all, OBAMA IS PRESIDENT. That was just... really nice. Really nice to watch, to be with my host family, and to chat with Isaac and my parents at length on Wednesday about. I did not cry. I liked the color of Michelle Obama's dress. I understood most of Obama's speech, but I would've liked to hear it in english, without the German overdub. I laughed when I saw Dick Cheney in the wheelchair. I think things will get much better. I hope they will. I hope.

Now, more about SCHOOL. Where should I start? Maybe my FAILING CAREER IN VOLLEYBALL. When I was in elementary school, I cried during almost every gym class, except when we were playing soccer. I was scared going into my class here that I would be yet again constantly on the verge of tears, but that luckily wasn't so. Until now. I find I am that person that nobody wants on their team. My gym teacher pulled me out of the game two weeks ago to try (unsuccessfully) to teach me to hit the ball, then I ended up just standing in the corner. Last week, I ended up in a pair with a girl who is especially good at volleyball, with was awful. I have gone back to feeling unathletic and horrible and humiliated. I have found that when someone throws a ball at me, my first instinct is to run away. My second is to catch it. And I have very slow reflexes. Volleyball is just not for me. I don't even take the tests with the class anymore. I sort of doze off and try to think at things I excel in, and I end up failing, and then I think, "Zoe, when you grow up nobody will care that you're terrible at sports, no one will care, no one will care," but then I think, "Perhaps, but then I'll be old and have to have a job and I won't be living in Portland, and I will probably aquire heart problems from my lack of physical exercise and it will be very, very bad." Other times I think of other people who are bad at sports. All of these people live at home. I don't think anyone in the entire country of Germany dislikes sports. Now I am making generalizations about my host country as well as speaking no language and writing boring blog entries.

On Wednesday I spoke to my math teacher for the first time. I said, "I have to speak about the test. I can't do it. I'm sorry. Math is not my subject." He said, "Well, you don't need real notes, do you?" I said, "No, I don't." (Liar.)

On Thursday my math teacher acknowledged my presence in his class. He was talking about a problem in German and then suddenly switched into English, and before I knew it, he was yelling at me all this stuff about "the housewife." The housewife. The housewife makes a certain amount of money each year and then it goes up by six percent increase and then you use a special feature on your calculator and find out how much she's making after 24 years... And, what an idiot, I couldn't even think about the problem. I felt really disoriented and started thinking, Where is all this money coming from? Isn't the definition of a housewife that she doesn't have a job? Is there some benefit for housewives in Germany that I don't know about? How awful to be referred to as a "housewife"! I can imagine, perhaps having an etsy shop and a band and some kids and that being awesome, even if I were filling a traditional female role by staying home while my husband made most of the money, but the word housewife just implies soccer and a minivan and pilates and plastic surgery and... ugh. My math teacher stopped lecturing me in English, turned to the class and said (truly), "She doesn't understand anything, she's so stupid."

I am serious. And this, after running into my host family's cleaning woman on the bus and having her say to me that I can't help being bad at math and physics BECAUSE I'M A GIRL. Okay. Now I'm also an unfair sexist stereotype.

The thing about math in Germany is that the pace is so fast, I can't keep up. I mean, I really can't keep up -- I literally cannot figure all the notes in my binder out and remember them before the teacher has moved onto something completely different. At home, I did well in math and enjoyed it, but I had to stay after school every once in a while and get help. And I have to work a little harder in math than the others. It doesn't "come naturally" to me, but I can figure it out, it just takes me a while. And I love figuring out problems, it's really satisfying. I especially enjoyed the little bit of trigonometry we did last year.

It's frustrating to me how impossible it is to get help from teachers, and how little they seem to care about our well-being. I guess my perspective is a little distorted from Casco Bay, where everyone in my humanties class cries on the same day, usually right before the end of the expedition, and Ms. Carter lectures us on "the amazing journey you've made this year" and then she starts crying too and then we all make posters about the changes we want to see in our school and listen to some kid read emotional poetry.

To close, a quote from Lukas Leonhard: "It's Herr Doktor Meyerstein! Hello, Herr Doktor Meyerstein!" And today = second viewing of Twilight with a girl from my French class. The end.

Roasted almond Gugelhupf

It came out very tasty! Plain vanilla cake with apple pieces and roasted almonds on the inside, more almonds and red jam that tastes like Glühwein on the outside!

I feel much better, and later I am going to make a Gugelhupf (a round cake with a hole in the center -- remember, Mom??) and hopefully get over my fear of the kitchen for good!! Plans for ribollita are also in the works.

I realized that my journal entries have become mostly in German. Well, maybe not quite, but maybe half-and-half. There are only certain subjects that I can discuss adaquately in German. Sometimes I feel bad about this, but sometimes it's kind of cool -- sometimes I just think, Wow, I used to not be able to talk about my travel aspirations in German, but now I can.