First of all, I'm really sorry I haven't been writing more. I'd hoped to wait to update with some amazing photographs of Heidelberg and Regina with Davy Rothbart, but alas, there's something wrong with my (external! weird!) USB drive. So those will have to wait.
Second of all, thank you thank you thank you to all of you who sent me a package/letter. I love you all so much. My host family is mildly disturbed by my abundance of birthday packages (which I'm waiting to open!) as I don't think birthday gifts are as common here in Germany, at least for adults. I'm also really sorry about not writing back, for those who I have yet to write to. I promise that you will recieve a letter from me really soon.
And now, to school: I have a math test tomorrow that I am undoubtedly going to fail, despite all of Alex's help. I honestly have not understood anything the teacher has written on the board for the past four weeks. I am also too scared to ask him (or warn him about my failing) because I am absolutely terrified of him. He yells at us, "You learned this in the 8th class! YOU LEARNED THIS IN THE 8TH CLASS! This is NO Hauptschule!!" He is so scary!
I have another test on Tuesday, in history, that I will also undoubtedly fail. That teacher scares me a little also, but Alex promises he's a nice guy, so I think I will approach him and warn him beforehand. I expect a comment about "those Americans," since he likes to tease me about being American in the class... Often the other students have to translate his remarks for me.
I am incredibly sore from Sport class on Tuesday. I played volleyball for the first time in my life, and I find that I am almost unbelievably terrible at it -- worse at it than I am at soccer, or football, or softball. But, I am so sincere about volleyball, and I try SO FRIGGIN' HARD. I jump up and wave my hands about spastically whenever the ball comes my way. When I miss it, I race after it as fast as possible, throw it up, and proceed to try four or five times before getting it over the net. I run to wherever the ball is, then hit it down instead of up, and then try four or five more times to "serve." Within ten minutes I am drenched in sweat, and most of the other girls play well and appropriately without moving more than a few feet at a time. The teacher often "takes me aside" to lecture me on my terrible, terrible volleyball style. But I really hope she notices how much I put into these pathetic volleyball games.
Today I answered a few questions (rather gingerly) in French. My French teacher is a psychopath. Then is biology, I answered five or so times!! I totally understand the entire class -- I have never felt this good at biology in my life.
You can probably tell from my tone that I am in a good mood. However, it is still really up-and-down: today was one of those days when I woke up crying just because I was dreaming about home, thourough enjoyed the bus ride (it's really pretty because the little villages are all lit up in the dark mornings), spent the whole day in a kind of tired trance, then spent the afernoon feeling absolutely miserable and trying to convince myself not to call Alisa and complain to her again, then had a really funny Deutschkurs and a nice drive home... and now I am completely happy.
The only thing really distressing me at the moment is just feeling not-so-good about my German ability -- and my lack of friends. Right now I feel like I will never find a place here! Today I went to Cafe Mokka for a tea, and it was really nice because they have amazing tea (although don't ask for milk, that's not culturally acceptable.) It was empty except for this irritating couple, and when it got dark the woman working there put this beautiful big candle on my table and it was so nice and cozy! It was like Christmas. Still, I was feeling sad because in my head I kept going over everything I'd accomplished here in Germany and everything I want to accomplish, and I felt like absolutely nothing has changed since I got here. I'm just as homesick, just as friendless, I feel just as awkward (sometimes) with my host family, and my Deutsch isn't much better. I also feel really bad because one day I'll be really talkative and comfortable, the next I'll cry literally all day long, and I think it really upsets Regina. She really wants me to be happy and it confuses her when I appear to be so happy one minute and so sad the next. Still, I'm trying to go easy on myself -- I really haven't been here that long, and I have a lot of time to figure this Germany thing out.
Oh yes, more about school -- my novelty has worn off. At first, the others found me so interesting, and wanted to talk to me all the time and sit next to me. Now, nobody talks to me, not even Aline and Karoline (who are so nice). Often I am asked about English homework, but other than that, I'm a little ignored. Still, I'm not completely sad about this because I KNOW that even if I were to leave tomorrow, I would keep in touch with my family, Alisa, Tang, Martha, and Chiara. And even though we don't have a lot in common at times, those relationships will just keep getting stronger, and I trust that by the end of the year I will have made some real friends.
Also I think I am going to have a birthday party. I am so excited about this, it's like I am suddenly seven years old. I often feel seven years old here -- I suddenly remember how frustrating it was to be that age and never be taken seriously. More later.
Donnerstag, November 13, 2008
Montag, Oktober 27, 2008
Clarifying
By "inappropriately horrible attitude," I meant that I am still feeling homesick and this is hindering my adjustment a little. The main thing is that I'm still comparing EVERYTHING to home, all the time. I know that sounds like something I can immediately fix, but it's hard. I've talked to Alisa, my liason, about it, and she assured me that it's a completely normal way to feel, and also, it's good that I've at least noticed I'm doing it, because in her experience people often sink into despair without identifying the cause.
Here's a picture of Alisa, a truly awesome person:
Here's a picture of Alisa, a truly awesome person:
Heute
First, a picture of my new fountain pen (bought last Wednesday):
Here, it is quite common for kids to use fountain pens for school, and they're very modern, cool-looking fountain pens, too. This one is so unbelievably awesome, I use it every day.
Today I went to a Schwimbad in a town near Baden-Baden with our neighbors, Frau and Herr Lieber. It was quite nice, like a giant, swimming pool-sized hot tub. There were water jets along the walls, and many fountains and whirlpools and water current things in the center. Every single person there was probably over 50. It was so, so funny, but felt really nice -- it's a thermal pool, so the water is naturally warm. It was actually raining too, which I loved, even though Frau Lieber made me wear this horrible swim cap.
Afterwards we had a lovely lunch; I had salad with rotkraut and then vegetable Maltaschen (which are like ravioli, only bigger and with spinach and mashed potato and usually meat) in alfredo sauce. Then, green tea. Then, we went on a drive through the Black Forest and then to Pforzheim. We went on a lovely, scenic drive through Pforzheim (sarcasm intended), and then to an accordion store owned by a friend of Herr Lieber. It turns out that he has about 15 accordions of his own, and he will let me play one sometime. Isn't that awesome?
The day before yesterday, I spent the day with Tang in Pforzheim. It was really, really funny for me because she had never been there before, and she LOVES it. She kept saying, "I love it here because it is SO much cheaper than Karlsruhe!" She is very frugal, but she bought tons of things -- clothes and shoes and shampoo and makeup. I said, "I don't like Pforzheim because it isn't pretty." She said, "I LOVE Pforzheim. It is pretty!" This was not even by the river. This was by the Hauptbahnhof. Isn't that interesting? Maybe it does depend on how one looks at it after all. Anyway, Tang's absurdly good attitude Saturday combined with a decent falafel sandwich for lunch made me a little more eager to give Pforzheim a chance.
Of course, all of this dialogue was in German. When I am with Tang, we speak nur Deutsch, which is one of my favorite things about spending time with her. We even watched Freaky Friday (the one with Lindsay Lohan, unfortunately) in German.
In other events, I am SO EXCITED to see Davy Rothbart in Stuttgart next week!! Plus I have a vegetarian dinner in Mühlacker to look forward to, so while I've still got this completely inappropriately horrible attitude, things are looking up.
Here, it is quite common for kids to use fountain pens for school, and they're very modern, cool-looking fountain pens, too. This one is so unbelievably awesome, I use it every day.
Today I went to a Schwimbad in a town near Baden-Baden with our neighbors, Frau and Herr Lieber. It was quite nice, like a giant, swimming pool-sized hot tub. There were water jets along the walls, and many fountains and whirlpools and water current things in the center. Every single person there was probably over 50. It was so, so funny, but felt really nice -- it's a thermal pool, so the water is naturally warm. It was actually raining too, which I loved, even though Frau Lieber made me wear this horrible swim cap.
Afterwards we had a lovely lunch; I had salad with rotkraut and then vegetable Maltaschen (which are like ravioli, only bigger and with spinach and mashed potato and usually meat) in alfredo sauce. Then, green tea. Then, we went on a drive through the Black Forest and then to Pforzheim. We went on a lovely, scenic drive through Pforzheim (sarcasm intended), and then to an accordion store owned by a friend of Herr Lieber. It turns out that he has about 15 accordions of his own, and he will let me play one sometime. Isn't that awesome?
The day before yesterday, I spent the day with Tang in Pforzheim. It was really, really funny for me because she had never been there before, and she LOVES it. She kept saying, "I love it here because it is SO much cheaper than Karlsruhe!" She is very frugal, but she bought tons of things -- clothes and shoes and shampoo and makeup. I said, "I don't like Pforzheim because it isn't pretty." She said, "I LOVE Pforzheim. It is pretty!" This was not even by the river. This was by the Hauptbahnhof. Isn't that interesting? Maybe it does depend on how one looks at it after all. Anyway, Tang's absurdly good attitude Saturday combined with a decent falafel sandwich for lunch made me a little more eager to give Pforzheim a chance.
Of course, all of this dialogue was in German. When I am with Tang, we speak nur Deutsch, which is one of my favorite things about spending time with her. We even watched Freaky Friday (the one with Lindsay Lohan, unfortunately) in German.
In other events, I am SO EXCITED to see Davy Rothbart in Stuttgart next week!! Plus I have a vegetarian dinner in Mühlacker to look forward to, so while I've still got this completely inappropriately horrible attitude, things are looking up.
Mittwoch, Oktober 22, 2008
A little story
Today was our first big test of the year, in Music class. Let me tell you: my first day of music class, all we did was sing little songs from a songbook about peace and Jesus. I thought, this is so awesome! This is like being ten years old again and playing the steel drums or autoharp or whatever. Well, music class is actually very, very difficult. I would say it is my second-hardest class, after chemistry. OK, and physics. In physics I literally understand nothing, nothing at all. It's probably even harder than math, or would be if I weren't such a dunce in math.
Anyway, we had a big test on jazz history, and jazz chords. I'd hoped that I'd at least be able to write a couple questions on the test, but that was optimistic -- I understood nothing. The music teacher came up to me, and I sad pathetically, "Ich kann das nicht." We looked at the paper, and then we looked at each other and laughed and laughed. "Continue to laugh!" he said in German. "You can just sit here laughing instead of writing the test! Tell me everything you know about jazz. You're American, you must know something." Miraculously, I understood everything he'd just said, but the satisfaction that comes with that is fleeting. Actually, it disappears in under a second -- as soon as I realize that there's no way I can convey that I understood everything, because I can't speak German! This is especially difficult when I'm talking to someone who speaks NO English (my music teacher.)
"Ich kann das nicht," I said sadly. "Ich kenne Jazz nicht." The music teacher just laughed at me. "Du bist americanisch!" he said again. Then he turned around to face the class and announced (in German, obviously,) "She's American, and she doesn't know anything about jazz! No wonder they say nobody learns anything in America." (Or something to that effect, I don't know exactly.) Everyone in the class started laughing at me.
"Country?" he suggested. "Kennst du Country? Just tell me what you know."
Well, that's pretty broad, I thought. That's okay. I started out by writing (in German), "Because I know nothing of jazz, and just a bit of country, I'm telling you all I know of the Beatles, and what I didn't forget."
I went on to schreib as much as I could, using such ingenious lines as, "Now the Beatles were in Beatlemania. They were beloved. One didn't hear in their concerts, because the crowd was too loud" and "In the next years, the Beatles had many changes. George Harrison was married. John Lennon divorced with his wife Cynthia. In 1966 John Lennon and Bob Dylan met together. Bob Dylan gave him marijuana. With the new drug was coming a new music style."
Then I finished (rather abruptly, after a brief description of Ravi Shankar -- "He was called the Sitar master and from him learned George Harrison Indian music") by writing, "Today the Beatles are still an influence. Like Daniel Johnston. Daniel Johnston is a beloved influence in 'outsider art.' He had mental illness. When he was young he loved the Beatles, and could with them identify." I included the lyrics of "The Beatles" to illustrate my point. (Ha ha.)
So we'll see how I do on the "test." I'm hoping for a five, personally (second-worst), or even an "ungradable." We'll see.
Anyway, we had a big test on jazz history, and jazz chords. I'd hoped that I'd at least be able to write a couple questions on the test, but that was optimistic -- I understood nothing. The music teacher came up to me, and I sad pathetically, "Ich kann das nicht." We looked at the paper, and then we looked at each other and laughed and laughed. "Continue to laugh!" he said in German. "You can just sit here laughing instead of writing the test! Tell me everything you know about jazz. You're American, you must know something." Miraculously, I understood everything he'd just said, but the satisfaction that comes with that is fleeting. Actually, it disappears in under a second -- as soon as I realize that there's no way I can convey that I understood everything, because I can't speak German! This is especially difficult when I'm talking to someone who speaks NO English (my music teacher.)
"Ich kann das nicht," I said sadly. "Ich kenne Jazz nicht." The music teacher just laughed at me. "Du bist americanisch!" he said again. Then he turned around to face the class and announced (in German, obviously,) "She's American, and she doesn't know anything about jazz! No wonder they say nobody learns anything in America." (Or something to that effect, I don't know exactly.) Everyone in the class started laughing at me.
"Country?" he suggested. "Kennst du Country? Just tell me what you know."
Well, that's pretty broad, I thought. That's okay. I started out by writing (in German), "Because I know nothing of jazz, and just a bit of country, I'm telling you all I know of the Beatles, and what I didn't forget."
I went on to schreib as much as I could, using such ingenious lines as, "Now the Beatles were in Beatlemania. They were beloved. One didn't hear in their concerts, because the crowd was too loud" and "In the next years, the Beatles had many changes. George Harrison was married. John Lennon divorced with his wife Cynthia. In 1966 John Lennon and Bob Dylan met together. Bob Dylan gave him marijuana. With the new drug was coming a new music style."
Then I finished (rather abruptly, after a brief description of Ravi Shankar -- "He was called the Sitar master and from him learned George Harrison Indian music") by writing, "Today the Beatles are still an influence. Like Daniel Johnston. Daniel Johnston is a beloved influence in 'outsider art.' He had mental illness. When he was young he loved the Beatles, and could with them identify." I included the lyrics of "The Beatles" to illustrate my point. (Ha ha.)
So we'll see how I do on the "test." I'm hoping for a five, personally (second-worst), or even an "ungradable." We'll see.
Dienstag, Oktober 21, 2008
Second week of school, more aches and pains
Today was the second day of the second week of Gymnasium. So far these two days have been better for me overall, mostly because I'm getting used to the dynamics there, I think. It is still (obviously) extremely difficult for me to follow the classes, even the simpler ones. Everyone is still very nice and helpful, but it's clear that all the kids are very close and I feel a little like an outsider. Also, sometimes I feel bad struggling with German when they all speak English so well, and sometimes they have the understandable attitude of "Why can't we just translate for you, it would make everything so much simpler?".
I am so emotional, all the time -- I have to hold back tears every time the smallest detail reminds me of home. For example, on Thursday or Friday, we had to write imaginary letters for French class. This girl named Anette, who takes Latin, was reading one, trying to decifer it. It reminded me of the good ol' days when we would all eat lunch outside and talk about how annoyed we were with French class (probably within earshot of M. Troyan), and Rafa would read our Franco-American-themed paragraphs. And there was always a group of people playing Frisbee or strumming guitars or something, and it made me so, so sad to be at school and not elsewhere. Like the song says, "PATHS kids at the window/Laughing off their ass/At the scary hippie kids/Strummin' on the grass." Or whatever the song (written by our very own Mark and Mama D) says -- all that sticks in my mind is the ingenius first line: "We're high school freshmen parents, and we don't take no shit. It's a freaky hippie high school and we're down with it."
The main issues for me yesterday and today were simply exhaustion. I hate to complain, but here I am absolutely exhausted 90% of the time, mostly because of the language, but also because I have not been getting enough sleep lately. That and the fact that I am very achy; I still have weird stomach pains, plus weirdly achy muscles in my chest, and shoulder/back things partially from carrying a huge backpack each day. It's really strange for me, and it feels a little unfair that I'm getting hit with this stuff all at once! I've tried stretches, but it only provides temporary relief, and breathing deeply only makes it hurt worse. My mom and Mana insist it's probably the stress, which I think is true, but I am so paranoid about weird symptoms, I can never forget about it, which probably intensifies the problem if it is indeed stress.
I went to a cafe in Pforzheim today, and it was a little weird, but not a bad cup of coffee. I wanted to take a picture to document the experience, but I didn't have my camera with me! Next time, of course. Also, I'm going to make a map of some kind illustrating all the places I've been in Pforzheim to look at when I feel like I am in the middle of nowhere.
Next week is school vacation, yay! I have no plans, since Hans-Peter and Regina must work, but I'm going to try to organize a trip or something with other AFS students, or maybe go on my own. We'll see.
I am so emotional, all the time -- I have to hold back tears every time the smallest detail reminds me of home. For example, on Thursday or Friday, we had to write imaginary letters for French class. This girl named Anette, who takes Latin, was reading one, trying to decifer it. It reminded me of the good ol' days when we would all eat lunch outside and talk about how annoyed we were with French class (probably within earshot of M. Troyan), and Rafa would read our Franco-American-themed paragraphs. And there was always a group of people playing Frisbee or strumming guitars or something, and it made me so, so sad to be at school and not elsewhere. Like the song says, "PATHS kids at the window/Laughing off their ass/At the scary hippie kids/Strummin' on the grass." Or whatever the song (written by our very own Mark and Mama D) says -- all that sticks in my mind is the ingenius first line: "We're high school freshmen parents, and we don't take no shit. It's a freaky hippie high school and we're down with it."
The main issues for me yesterday and today were simply exhaustion. I hate to complain, but here I am absolutely exhausted 90% of the time, mostly because of the language, but also because I have not been getting enough sleep lately. That and the fact that I am very achy; I still have weird stomach pains, plus weirdly achy muscles in my chest, and shoulder/back things partially from carrying a huge backpack each day. It's really strange for me, and it feels a little unfair that I'm getting hit with this stuff all at once! I've tried stretches, but it only provides temporary relief, and breathing deeply only makes it hurt worse. My mom and Mana insist it's probably the stress, which I think is true, but I am so paranoid about weird symptoms, I can never forget about it, which probably intensifies the problem if it is indeed stress.
I went to a cafe in Pforzheim today, and it was a little weird, but not a bad cup of coffee. I wanted to take a picture to document the experience, but I didn't have my camera with me! Next time, of course. Also, I'm going to make a map of some kind illustrating all the places I've been in Pforzheim to look at when I feel like I am in the middle of nowhere.
Next week is school vacation, yay! I have no plans, since Hans-Peter and Regina must work, but I'm going to try to organize a trip or something with other AFS students, or maybe go on my own. We'll see.
Sonntag, Oktober 19, 2008
Katie's advice
Do you all know about Cultures Shocked forum? If you are a current exchange student or just curious, check it out -- it has been so helpful to be throughout this process!
I recently posted on it about my homesickness, and worries that after over a month I should be "adapted" already. Katie, another CBYX student, posted this great response that I thought you guys might enjoy. (Katie, if you are reading this, I hope it's ok with you.)
Hey, I'm on CBYX too. So I should know who you are, but I can't remember.
I'm Katie-- the girl with the short hair.
This promises to be epic:
I'm having a rough time too. I didn't think I would, and my host family is amazing. But I'm not in gymnasium yet and I haven't made any friends. I'm doing great with the language and everything, but sometimes I honestly feel like I'd be better off at home. Home where there's certainty and understanding and my family and friends.
I think I wasn't prepared for the enormous task of entering into a society where you don't speak their language. In the US, I have personality and am the top of my game-- here, I can't understand a lot and am just the exchange student. And it's little things-- like, I don't wear pants. And my host mum says that I need to wear pants because that's what German girls do. I feel like I'm being stripped of my culture. I never really realized I was American until I was in Germany. People stand closer than I'm used to and it makes me uncomfortable. I realize that I'd be so, amazingly screwed if I got in trouble and needed to speak German. My host family had been interpreting my silence (which I just am, a lot-- I think and look and don't talk sometimes) as stand-offishness, where for me in America, my parents think somethings wrong when I talk a lot.
When I went to my LOC, there was another CBYXer. She's doing great-- she loves it here and doesn't ever want to go home. She has lots of friends and loves school and I just... I don't know. But then I talk to other kids and they're having trouble and it's all okay. It will get better or you can go home (not meaning to be mean-- but if the homesickness doesn't get better or whatever, remember, you can go home... you're not stuck here).
I have great days and days where my eyes are perpetually leaking tears and days where time is just to get through. I'm exhausted almost always. Some days I'm just ready to pack it in and head for home. I just got back from vacation (my first proper European city) and it was so hard-- every time I saw something cool, I wanted to show my Mom, but instead I was on vacations with almost perfect strangers. My host family is amazing, but they're not my family. I think it's important for me to acknowledge who I am (with my culture) but also be willing to change. For example, yesterday I made my host family Thanksgiving and they were just thrilled and I was thrilled and I felt at home and perfectly content.
I think it's important to remember those times and how absolutely amazing what you're doing is-- living away from home is hard. It's very different, but it's mostly good. It's good for me to think about things to look forward when I'm sad. When I'm homesick, I like to go for a bike ride and when I look out at the world, I'm in Germany and that is so much better than it would be at home, where I'm breaking my soul in another year of unnecessary high school.
So, the homesickness is hard, but-- I think it gets better. Or I hope it does. I'm holding out for when I start school, so I actually have stuff to do. I think it might be good to talk to your host mum or your betreuer. Or if you'd like to talk, I can give you my email and we can correspond that way. So, that was long and sort of off topic.
Edit: my English is getting kind of gross. Sorry.
This was so great for me to read today, because she is going though the exact same thing as me! I have felt the exact same way about almost everything she mentioned. I have felt like however much I like my host family, they're not my family, and that's hard. I have felt like I am "losing my culture" at times, especially when it comes to the music thing. I haven't listened to any of my own music since I got here, and I haven't felt inspired to play music. Sometimes that feels really bad, like I'm turning into this complete stranger here. Same with when we were in Italy and I ran out into the rain... and Regina shouted, "Take an umbrella! You'll ruin your coat!"
It's those small things that it's impossible to prepare for.
I recently posted on it about my homesickness, and worries that after over a month I should be "adapted" already. Katie, another CBYX student, posted this great response that I thought you guys might enjoy. (Katie, if you are reading this, I hope it's ok with you.)
Hey, I'm on CBYX too. So I should know who you are, but I can't remember.
I'm Katie-- the girl with the short hair.
This promises to be epic:
I'm having a rough time too. I didn't think I would, and my host family is amazing. But I'm not in gymnasium yet and I haven't made any friends. I'm doing great with the language and everything, but sometimes I honestly feel like I'd be better off at home. Home where there's certainty and understanding and my family and friends.
I think I wasn't prepared for the enormous task of entering into a society where you don't speak their language. In the US, I have personality and am the top of my game-- here, I can't understand a lot and am just the exchange student. And it's little things-- like, I don't wear pants. And my host mum says that I need to wear pants because that's what German girls do. I feel like I'm being stripped of my culture. I never really realized I was American until I was in Germany. People stand closer than I'm used to and it makes me uncomfortable. I realize that I'd be so, amazingly screwed if I got in trouble and needed to speak German. My host family had been interpreting my silence (which I just am, a lot-- I think and look and don't talk sometimes) as stand-offishness, where for me in America, my parents think somethings wrong when I talk a lot.
When I went to my LOC, there was another CBYXer. She's doing great-- she loves it here and doesn't ever want to go home. She has lots of friends and loves school and I just... I don't know. But then I talk to other kids and they're having trouble and it's all okay. It will get better or you can go home (not meaning to be mean-- but if the homesickness doesn't get better or whatever, remember, you can go home... you're not stuck here).
I have great days and days where my eyes are perpetually leaking tears and days where time is just to get through. I'm exhausted almost always. Some days I'm just ready to pack it in and head for home. I just got back from vacation (my first proper European city) and it was so hard-- every time I saw something cool, I wanted to show my Mom, but instead I was on vacations with almost perfect strangers. My host family is amazing, but they're not my family. I think it's important for me to acknowledge who I am (with my culture) but also be willing to change. For example, yesterday I made my host family Thanksgiving and they were just thrilled and I was thrilled and I felt at home and perfectly content.
I think it's important to remember those times and how absolutely amazing what you're doing is-- living away from home is hard. It's very different, but it's mostly good. It's good for me to think about things to look forward when I'm sad. When I'm homesick, I like to go for a bike ride and when I look out at the world, I'm in Germany and that is so much better than it would be at home, where I'm breaking my soul in another year of unnecessary high school.
So, the homesickness is hard, but-- I think it gets better. Or I hope it does. I'm holding out for when I start school, so I actually have stuff to do. I think it might be good to talk to your host mum or your betreuer. Or if you'd like to talk, I can give you my email and we can correspond that way. So, that was long and sort of off topic.
Edit: my English is getting kind of gross. Sorry.
This was so great for me to read today, because she is going though the exact same thing as me! I have felt the exact same way about almost everything she mentioned. I have felt like however much I like my host family, they're not my family, and that's hard. I have felt like I am "losing my culture" at times, especially when it comes to the music thing. I haven't listened to any of my own music since I got here, and I haven't felt inspired to play music. Sometimes that feels really bad, like I'm turning into this complete stranger here. Same with when we were in Italy and I ran out into the rain... and Regina shouted, "Take an umbrella! You'll ruin your coat!"
It's those small things that it's impossible to prepare for.
Dienstag, Oktober 14, 2008
First school days
Hello! I'm updating, finally.
Today was my fifth day of school (third real day) and it went pretty well, despite the fact that I had my first gym class. I was surprised to find that almost all of the people in my class are ridiculously nice, interesting in talking to me, and extremely patient with my German. The teachers are much more formal with us than I am used to, and are generally very quick to resort to English. I already have a strong dislike for my German teacher, but the others all seem perfectly nice despite their formality. My chemistry teacher reminds me strongly of Mr. Burke, which makes me feel, strangely, very happy.
The reason I dislike my German teacher is because when we met yesterday, our conversation went something like this:
German teacher (in German): Oh, you're back.
Me: Ja.
German teacher (in German): Who's going to win the presidential election?
Me (in German, not understanding the word): The... presidential election?
German teacher (in English): President! It has the word in it!
Me: Oh! Barack Obama.
German teacher: Ich hoffe. (Implying, of course, "If he doesn't it will be because of people like you.")
Later in the class I asked if I have to buy the German book, or if I can get it from the school. The German teacher said (in English, of course) "The others must buy it, but for you there's no point. You won't understand it anyway." What a bad attitude! When I recounted this story to Regina, she said menacingly, "Wie heißt der Deutschlehrer??"
I have met many nice people. I usually sit with a very nice girl named Corrina who lets me copy her notes because the teachers all have the same indeciferable handwriting. I have met another girl named Anette who said to me cheerfully on Friday, right before our last class, "Hast du Französisch? Ich muss zu Latein gehen. Schönes Wochenende!" I really wish 15-year-olds in the US bid each other farewell with "Have a beautiful weekend!"
This is certainly a generalization, but I find that German teenagers in my school are very mature and take school very seriously. When someone has not done their homework, they are spoken to very sharply. When the teacher asks a question, at least ten hands shoot up. Everyone does the work. It is very different from school in the US -- and my school has kids from 5th grade to 13th. It also has, like, three orchestras and three jazz bands and three choirs. And a restaurant. It's really scary, actually.
I have been hit with some homesickness this past week. Starting school has been very stressful for me, mostly because it is like a whole other "culture" to get used to. And also, having to listen to Deutsch every day is exhausting! And although this is probably really unfair, since I have been here only three days, I feel like the teachers really treat me as an inconvenience, and like it is my own fault I haven't learned German yet. It's also hard to be in a class of kids, however nice, who have been in the same group for every class since the 5th grade. They are obviously very close, and I don't think I will ever bond with them that much. However, I am trying to look at school in a positive light, and realize that I am there to do my best, meet some people, and improve my German, stress-free (not really.)
I talked to Alisa about this this weekend, because I was worried that this homesickness flare-up is not normal after over a month here in Germany. She said that she felt the same way during her exchange last year, and that she thinks it's incredibly normal due to my starting school. I hope that this will pass, and I will get more comfortable with school after a couple more weeks.
Today was my fifth day of school (third real day) and it went pretty well, despite the fact that I had my first gym class. I was surprised to find that almost all of the people in my class are ridiculously nice, interesting in talking to me, and extremely patient with my German. The teachers are much more formal with us than I am used to, and are generally very quick to resort to English. I already have a strong dislike for my German teacher, but the others all seem perfectly nice despite their formality. My chemistry teacher reminds me strongly of Mr. Burke, which makes me feel, strangely, very happy.
The reason I dislike my German teacher is because when we met yesterday, our conversation went something like this:
German teacher (in German): Oh, you're back.
Me: Ja.
German teacher (in German): Who's going to win the presidential election?
Me (in German, not understanding the word): The... presidential election?
German teacher (in English): President! It has the word in it!
Me: Oh! Barack Obama.
German teacher: Ich hoffe. (Implying, of course, "If he doesn't it will be because of people like you.")
Later in the class I asked if I have to buy the German book, or if I can get it from the school. The German teacher said (in English, of course) "The others must buy it, but for you there's no point. You won't understand it anyway." What a bad attitude! When I recounted this story to Regina, she said menacingly, "Wie heißt der Deutschlehrer??"
I have met many nice people. I usually sit with a very nice girl named Corrina who lets me copy her notes because the teachers all have the same indeciferable handwriting. I have met another girl named Anette who said to me cheerfully on Friday, right before our last class, "Hast du Französisch? Ich muss zu Latein gehen. Schönes Wochenende!" I really wish 15-year-olds in the US bid each other farewell with "Have a beautiful weekend!"
This is certainly a generalization, but I find that German teenagers in my school are very mature and take school very seriously. When someone has not done their homework, they are spoken to very sharply. When the teacher asks a question, at least ten hands shoot up. Everyone does the work. It is very different from school in the US -- and my school has kids from 5th grade to 13th. It also has, like, three orchestras and three jazz bands and three choirs. And a restaurant. It's really scary, actually.
I have been hit with some homesickness this past week. Starting school has been very stressful for me, mostly because it is like a whole other "culture" to get used to. And also, having to listen to Deutsch every day is exhausting! And although this is probably really unfair, since I have been here only three days, I feel like the teachers really treat me as an inconvenience, and like it is my own fault I haven't learned German yet. It's also hard to be in a class of kids, however nice, who have been in the same group for every class since the 5th grade. They are obviously very close, and I don't think I will ever bond with them that much. However, I am trying to look at school in a positive light, and realize that I am there to do my best, meet some people, and improve my German, stress-free (not really.)
I talked to Alisa about this this weekend, because I was worried that this homesickness flare-up is not normal after over a month here in Germany. She said that she felt the same way during her exchange last year, and that she thinks it's incredibly normal due to my starting school. I hope that this will pass, and I will get more comfortable with school after a couple more weeks.
Dienstag, September 30, 2008
Freudenstadt photos
Right after the talent show -- the girl in the left-hand corner is Tang. Isn't her Thai dancing outfit adorable?
Walking in Freudenstadt
Freudenstadt house
In the room where we dicussed host families and such -- kid whose name I don't remember, Arthur, Karla, Chiara, Rafael, Jana, und ich.
Karla, Chiara und ich (they're from Poland and Italy, both really nice girls.)
(Photos courtesy of Francisco Xavier Torrez Herrera -- thanks!)
Montag, September 29, 2008
AFS Late Orientation
I just got back yesterday from my first AFS orientation camp. I really didn't want to go, prefering to stay in my small circle of host family, the Sprachschule crowd, and my neighbors, but I ended up really enjoying myself. The camp was in Freudenstadt, a picturesque town in the Black Forest. We stayed in a very nice youth hostel with pleasant rooms and delicious food. I roomed with Tang, two other really nice Thai girls, Marii, and Martha. Unfortunately I thought my camera was broken (long story!) so I didn't get any pictures.
AFS in Germany is very different from AFS in the States. I often feel like our AFS chapter at home is full of nice people who studied abroad in 1983. Here, the volunteers are recent returnees under 21, and they are (I mean this is in the best possible way) completely irresponsible. We had 30 students and 5 volunteers at our camp this weekend. On Friday we mostly socialized, played some stupid games, and then had a party in the basement. The AFS volunteers went out and bought beer for everyone, gave us a brief lecture about "taking it slowly" and then a couple of them proceeded to get quite drunk. It was really funny. I actually had a lot of fun and danced a lot. I think I was the only one who didn't drink, but nobody cared.
On Saturday we had discussions about our host families and the differences we'd experienced between Germany and our home countries. At first it was interesting, but it started to get very repetative. However, there were a couple discussions that I appreciated -- one about free time, and one about travel rules. We went for a walk in Freudenstadt and I ended up talking to this really nice Russian girl a lot. She lives in Saint Petersburg and does modern dance like I used to -- also, she has read an extrordinary amount of classic novels. It's pretty cool. After our walk, we all had to go into a little room for an announcement. One of the volunteers told us, "hey, we're gonna have another party tonight. But it won't be as good as the first one because the responsible woman from the office is coming. And also, the cheerleading persons complained; they said we were too loud. I know, what the fuck?" (There was a cheerkeading club staying in the hostel as well.)
Later our group had a talent show... five or so people put on a skit eerily reminiscent of "Jock, Rebel, Hippie, Devil: The Saga of Bubble Tea", and it was hilariously funny. They acted out our party and some of the dumb games we had to play... I can't accurately capture it. Martha and I did an Irish dance, Tang did some lovely Thai dancing, and Maria (from Russia) and Karla (from Poland) sang in Russian and Polish and did a crazy Russian dance. The talent show was not as painful as I expected. Then, there was another party, but I was exhausted and so I didn't go. I ended up sleeping four or so hours both nights, mostly because the Thai girls (however sweet) were extremely chatty. Then yesterday I went back to Gräufenhausen, went on the computer for a while, and went for a walk behind my house, on the country roads. Then I stayed up ridiculously late. So, I again got four or five hours of sleep!
And again, I shan't get more tonight... I ought to go to bed. I promise I'll talk more about lanugage school and other stuff later.
AFS in Germany is very different from AFS in the States. I often feel like our AFS chapter at home is full of nice people who studied abroad in 1983. Here, the volunteers are recent returnees under 21, and they are (I mean this is in the best possible way) completely irresponsible. We had 30 students and 5 volunteers at our camp this weekend. On Friday we mostly socialized, played some stupid games, and then had a party in the basement. The AFS volunteers went out and bought beer for everyone, gave us a brief lecture about "taking it slowly" and then a couple of them proceeded to get quite drunk. It was really funny. I actually had a lot of fun and danced a lot. I think I was the only one who didn't drink, but nobody cared.
On Saturday we had discussions about our host families and the differences we'd experienced between Germany and our home countries. At first it was interesting, but it started to get very repetative. However, there were a couple discussions that I appreciated -- one about free time, and one about travel rules. We went for a walk in Freudenstadt and I ended up talking to this really nice Russian girl a lot. She lives in Saint Petersburg and does modern dance like I used to -- also, she has read an extrordinary amount of classic novels. It's pretty cool. After our walk, we all had to go into a little room for an announcement. One of the volunteers told us, "hey, we're gonna have another party tonight. But it won't be as good as the first one because the responsible woman from the office is coming. And also, the cheerleading persons complained; they said we were too loud. I know, what the fuck?" (There was a cheerkeading club staying in the hostel as well.)
Later our group had a talent show... five or so people put on a skit eerily reminiscent of "Jock, Rebel, Hippie, Devil: The Saga of Bubble Tea", and it was hilariously funny. They acted out our party and some of the dumb games we had to play... I can't accurately capture it. Martha and I did an Irish dance, Tang did some lovely Thai dancing, and Maria (from Russia) and Karla (from Poland) sang in Russian and Polish and did a crazy Russian dance. The talent show was not as painful as I expected. Then, there was another party, but I was exhausted and so I didn't go. I ended up sleeping four or so hours both nights, mostly because the Thai girls (however sweet) were extremely chatty. Then yesterday I went back to Gräufenhausen, went on the computer for a while, and went for a walk behind my house, on the country roads. Then I stayed up ridiculously late. So, I again got four or five hours of sleep!
And again, I shan't get more tonight... I ought to go to bed. I promise I'll talk more about lanugage school and other stuff later.
Freitag, September 12, 2008
Finally!
Have you ever noticed how many exclamation points I use on this blog? It's a little embarrassing, actually. But anyway. I am finally updating my blog, after thirteen days away from home and six in Germany.
After a weekend in Baltimore with Erin and Sylvie, my dad drove my to the Dulles Crown Plaza hotel in Virginia, where all 50 of the Congress-Bundestag kids met up. The first day was spent doing nothing but waiting around and making awkward conversation. Although I didn't make any really good friends, most of them were really nice and welcoming. My roommate, Alyssa, was a really nice girl. Another person, Katie, was also very cool -- when I first met her, she was wearing a knee-length vintage skirt with mushrooms on it, and told me that she collects internal organs preserved in formaldyhyde. Therefore, she was definitely very different from the other C-B kids, the majority of whom had a more preppy style. She lives near Hamburg, however, seven or so hours away.
The next day, we went to D.C. to meet with our Congressional representatives and go to the German embassy, State department, and Goethe Institut. The woman I met with from Tom Allen's office, Joleen, was really great. She knew a lot about international exchange and AFS already, and she was refreshingly casual compared to everyone else we met with that day. I did not enjoy the State Department, but the German embassy was interesting -- we learned a little about the German political system, and I felt like the woman we talked to was a lot more straightforward about how the U.S. is percieved around the world. At the Goethe Institut, we watched a humorous video about Berlin. We had dinner at a German restaurant in the city, and I had a delicious portabello mushroom schnitzel with German salad (picked potatoes, beets, yellow beans, and sauerkrawt topped with lettuce.)
The next day was all activities and exercises related to fitting in in our host communities, etc. By this time, I was really ready to actually be in Germany, as was everyone else. The next morning we arrived at Dulles airport at 12:30 (our flight took off at 5:30 pm.) The plane ride did not feel too long. I watched an old movie dubbed in German and slept for maybe two or three hours. The next day was kind of awful. We had to stay in Frankfurt airport in the hallway, not being allowed to go anywhere except the bathroom, from 7:00 to 2:30, when our trains left. I drank my first Apfelschorle and talked to Katie and another girl named Becky, who is staying about an hour away from me. Other AFS students from Thailand, Italy, China, the Czech Republic, Finland, Russia, Honduras, Brazil, Paraguay, and more arrived, but I was so exhausted I was feeling really anti-social. I read about half of Kafka on the Shore.
We were sent away with local AFS volunteers to our individual trains. Ours was really funny, he was about 25 and kept telling us how much we would end up drinking and smoking and swearing over the course of the year. He was also not willing to keep track of us at all, so I kept feeling like I was about to be lost in the train station, lagging behind everyone else. I felt really bad by this time. I felt sick, hadn't eaten in ten hours, etc. I slept through pretty much the whole train ride. Suddenly I was roughly awakened by the AFS volunteer, then given lots of complicated instructions about how and when to get off the train. Finally he handed me my luggage and said, "OK, now!" I got off the train at the Karlsruhe stop and for some reason I thought I had to get on another train, but then Regina and Hans-Peter arrived to pick me up. I was so happy to see them and finally get to actually go home and sleep.
We drove 30 minutes to our tiny town, Gräufenhausen. It is on the edge of the Black Forest and has maybe 200 people. We live at the top of a huge hill and we can see the forest and other small villages from our deck. I have a lovely room to live in, and they have three pianos, a drum set, and a vibraphone. It's really nice. My host parents are wonderful.
I have been homesick this past week, but now that I am in language school in Karlsruhe, I feel much better. Also, my host parents have been really understanding. It's a lot more different here culturally than I ever imagined. Also, I never realized how much I really love Portland -- I expected to miss my parents, but not to miss everything about where I live. It's beautiful here, but it's so different. You can walk to the gas station or the convenient store, but not much else. The church bells ring every 15 minutes, and at 5 in the morning they go crazy, in remembrance of the miners who had to work every morning a long time ago. Oh yeah, and Gräufenhausen just celebrated its 900th birthday.
I have many charmingly German stories, but I can't remember any at this very moment -- ich bin ein bisschen müde. Well, here's one: yesterday when I was driving home from the train station with Hans-Peter, we stopped at the weird little gas station in Gräufenhausen. He went into the shop and came out with a piece of delicious, freshly baked Brötchen with poppy seeds and sesame seeds on it! Isn't that funny??
I went to real school in Pforzheim Tuesday and Wednesday, before language school began. The school is absolutely huge and scary. The kids in my class are really nice to me, and the teachers are very, very different from what I'm used to. My classes sound interesting, but I can understand absolutely none of what the teachers are saying, so they're absolutely boring so far. I'm taking ethics, French, politics, German, English, music (which is my "focus," so I have it four days a week), math, chemistry, biology, gym (unless I can somehow get out of it -- I'm going to try), history, and art. I think that's all.
I'll write again soon. And post pictures, if I can get Alex to help me figure out how!
After a weekend in Baltimore with Erin and Sylvie, my dad drove my to the Dulles Crown Plaza hotel in Virginia, where all 50 of the Congress-Bundestag kids met up. The first day was spent doing nothing but waiting around and making awkward conversation. Although I didn't make any really good friends, most of them were really nice and welcoming. My roommate, Alyssa, was a really nice girl. Another person, Katie, was also very cool -- when I first met her, she was wearing a knee-length vintage skirt with mushrooms on it, and told me that she collects internal organs preserved in formaldyhyde. Therefore, she was definitely very different from the other C-B kids, the majority of whom had a more preppy style. She lives near Hamburg, however, seven or so hours away.
The next day, we went to D.C. to meet with our Congressional representatives and go to the German embassy, State department, and Goethe Institut. The woman I met with from Tom Allen's office, Joleen, was really great. She knew a lot about international exchange and AFS already, and she was refreshingly casual compared to everyone else we met with that day. I did not enjoy the State Department, but the German embassy was interesting -- we learned a little about the German political system, and I felt like the woman we talked to was a lot more straightforward about how the U.S. is percieved around the world. At the Goethe Institut, we watched a humorous video about Berlin. We had dinner at a German restaurant in the city, and I had a delicious portabello mushroom schnitzel with German salad (picked potatoes, beets, yellow beans, and sauerkrawt topped with lettuce.)
The next day was all activities and exercises related to fitting in in our host communities, etc. By this time, I was really ready to actually be in Germany, as was everyone else. The next morning we arrived at Dulles airport at 12:30 (our flight took off at 5:30 pm.) The plane ride did not feel too long. I watched an old movie dubbed in German and slept for maybe two or three hours. The next day was kind of awful. We had to stay in Frankfurt airport in the hallway, not being allowed to go anywhere except the bathroom, from 7:00 to 2:30, when our trains left. I drank my first Apfelschorle and talked to Katie and another girl named Becky, who is staying about an hour away from me. Other AFS students from Thailand, Italy, China, the Czech Republic, Finland, Russia, Honduras, Brazil, Paraguay, and more arrived, but I was so exhausted I was feeling really anti-social. I read about half of Kafka on the Shore.
We were sent away with local AFS volunteers to our individual trains. Ours was really funny, he was about 25 and kept telling us how much we would end up drinking and smoking and swearing over the course of the year. He was also not willing to keep track of us at all, so I kept feeling like I was about to be lost in the train station, lagging behind everyone else. I felt really bad by this time. I felt sick, hadn't eaten in ten hours, etc. I slept through pretty much the whole train ride. Suddenly I was roughly awakened by the AFS volunteer, then given lots of complicated instructions about how and when to get off the train. Finally he handed me my luggage and said, "OK, now!" I got off the train at the Karlsruhe stop and for some reason I thought I had to get on another train, but then Regina and Hans-Peter arrived to pick me up. I was so happy to see them and finally get to actually go home and sleep.
We drove 30 minutes to our tiny town, Gräufenhausen. It is on the edge of the Black Forest and has maybe 200 people. We live at the top of a huge hill and we can see the forest and other small villages from our deck. I have a lovely room to live in, and they have three pianos, a drum set, and a vibraphone. It's really nice. My host parents are wonderful.
I have been homesick this past week, but now that I am in language school in Karlsruhe, I feel much better. Also, my host parents have been really understanding. It's a lot more different here culturally than I ever imagined. Also, I never realized how much I really love Portland -- I expected to miss my parents, but not to miss everything about where I live. It's beautiful here, but it's so different. You can walk to the gas station or the convenient store, but not much else. The church bells ring every 15 minutes, and at 5 in the morning they go crazy, in remembrance of the miners who had to work every morning a long time ago. Oh yeah, and Gräufenhausen just celebrated its 900th birthday.
I have many charmingly German stories, but I can't remember any at this very moment -- ich bin ein bisschen müde. Well, here's one: yesterday when I was driving home from the train station with Hans-Peter, we stopped at the weird little gas station in Gräufenhausen. He went into the shop and came out with a piece of delicious, freshly baked Brötchen with poppy seeds and sesame seeds on it! Isn't that funny??
I went to real school in Pforzheim Tuesday and Wednesday, before language school began. The school is absolutely huge and scary. The kids in my class are really nice to me, and the teachers are very, very different from what I'm used to. My classes sound interesting, but I can understand absolutely none of what the teachers are saying, so they're absolutely boring so far. I'm taking ethics, French, politics, German, English, music (which is my "focus," so I have it four days a week), math, chemistry, biology, gym (unless I can somehow get out of it -- I'm going to try), history, and art. I think that's all.
I'll write again soon. And post pictures, if I can get Alex to help me figure out how!
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