Katie's advice

Do you all know about Cultures Shocked forum? If you are a current exchange student or just curious, check it out -- it has been so helpful to be throughout this process!

I recently posted on it about my homesickness, and worries that after over a month I should be "adapted" already. Katie, another CBYX student, posted this great response that I thought you guys might enjoy. (Katie, if you are reading this, I hope it's ok with you.)

Hey, I'm on CBYX too. So I should know who you are, but I can't remember.

I'm Katie-- the girl with the short hair.

This promises to be epic:

I'm having a rough time too. I didn't think I would, and my host family is amazing. But I'm not in gymnasium yet and I haven't made any friends. I'm doing great with the language and everything, but sometimes I honestly feel like I'd be better off at home. Home where there's certainty and understanding and my family and friends.

I think I wasn't prepared for the enormous task of entering into a society where you don't speak their language. In the US, I have personality and am the top of my game-- here, I can't understand a lot and am just the exchange student. And it's little things-- like, I don't wear pants. And my host mum says that I need to wear pants because that's what German girls do. I feel like I'm being stripped of my culture. I never really realized I was American until I was in Germany. People stand closer than I'm used to and it makes me uncomfortable. I realize that I'd be so, amazingly screwed if I got in trouble and needed to speak German. My host family had been interpreting my silence (which I just am, a lot-- I think and look and don't talk sometimes) as stand-offishness, where for me in America, my parents think somethings wrong when I talk a lot.

When I went to my LOC, there was another CBYXer. She's doing great-- she loves it here and doesn't ever want to go home. She has lots of friends and loves school and I just... I don't know. But then I talk to other kids and they're having trouble and it's all okay. It will get better or you can go home (not meaning to be mean-- but if the homesickness doesn't get better or whatever, remember, you can go home... you're not stuck here).

I have great days and days where my eyes are perpetually leaking tears and days where time is just to get through. I'm exhausted almost always. Some days I'm just ready to pack it in and head for home. I just got back from vacation (my first proper European city) and it was so hard-- every time I saw something cool, I wanted to show my Mom, but instead I was on vacations with almost perfect strangers. My host family is amazing, but they're not my family. I think it's important for me to acknowledge who I am (with my culture) but also be willing to change. For example, yesterday I made my host family Thanksgiving and they were just thrilled and I was thrilled and I felt at home and perfectly content.

I think it's important to remember those times and how absolutely amazing what you're doing is-- living away from home is hard. It's very different, but it's mostly good. It's good for me to think about things to look forward when I'm sad. When I'm homesick, I like to go for a bike ride and when I look out at the world, I'm in Germany and that is so much better than it would be at home, where I'm breaking my soul in another year of unnecessary high school.

So, the homesickness is hard, but-- I think it gets better. Or I hope it does. I'm holding out for when I start school, so I actually have stuff to do. I think it might be good to talk to your host mum or your betreuer. Or if you'd like to talk, I can give you my email and we can correspond that way. So, that was long and sort of off topic.

Edit: my English is getting kind of gross. Sorry.


This was so great for me to read today, because she is going though the exact same thing as me! I have felt the exact same way about almost everything she mentioned. I have felt like however much I like my host family, they're not my family, and that's hard. I have felt like I am "losing my culture" at times, especially when it comes to the music thing. I haven't listened to any of my own music since I got here, and I haven't felt inspired to play music. Sometimes that feels really bad, like I'm turning into this complete stranger here. Same with when we were in Italy and I ran out into the rain... and Regina shouted, "Take an umbrella! You'll ruin your coat!"

It's those small things that it's impossible to prepare for.