Some words about school

First of all, I'm really sorry I haven't been writing more. I'd hoped to wait to update with some amazing photographs of Heidelberg and Regina with Davy Rothbart, but alas, there's something wrong with my (external! weird!) USB drive. So those will have to wait.

Second of all, thank you thank you thank you to all of you who sent me a package/letter. I love you all so much. My host family is mildly disturbed by my abundance of birthday packages (which I'm waiting to open!) as I don't think birthday gifts are as common here in Germany, at least for adults. I'm also really sorry about not writing back, for those who I have yet to write to. I promise that you will recieve a letter from me really soon.

And now, to school: I have a math test tomorrow that I am undoubtedly going to fail, despite all of Alex's help. I honestly have not understood anything the teacher has written on the board for the past four weeks. I am also too scared to ask him (or warn him about my failing) because I am absolutely terrified of him. He yells at us, "You learned this in the 8th class! YOU LEARNED THIS IN THE 8TH CLASS! This is NO Hauptschule!!" He is so scary!

I have another test on Tuesday, in history, that I will also undoubtedly fail. That teacher scares me a little also, but Alex promises he's a nice guy, so I think I will approach him and warn him beforehand. I expect a comment about "those Americans," since he likes to tease me about being American in the class... Often the other students have to translate his remarks for me.

I am incredibly sore from Sport class on Tuesday. I played volleyball for the first time in my life, and I find that I am almost unbelievably terrible at it -- worse at it than I am at soccer, or football, or softball. But, I am so sincere about volleyball, and I try SO FRIGGIN' HARD. I jump up and wave my hands about spastically whenever the ball comes my way. When I miss it, I race after it as fast as possible, throw it up, and proceed to try four or five times before getting it over the net. I run to wherever the ball is, then hit it down instead of up, and then try four or five more times to "serve." Within ten minutes I am drenched in sweat, and most of the other girls play well and appropriately without moving more than a few feet at a time. The teacher often "takes me aside" to lecture me on my terrible, terrible volleyball style. But I really hope she notices how much I put into these pathetic volleyball games.

Today I answered a few questions (rather gingerly) in French. My French teacher is a psychopath. Then is biology, I answered five or so times!! I totally understand the entire class -- I have never felt this good at biology in my life.

You can probably tell from my tone that I am in a good mood. However, it is still really up-and-down: today was one of those days when I woke up crying just because I was dreaming about home, thourough enjoyed the bus ride (it's really pretty because the little villages are all lit up in the dark mornings), spent the whole day in a kind of tired trance, then spent the afernoon feeling absolutely miserable and trying to convince myself not to call Alisa and complain to her again, then had a really funny Deutschkurs and a nice drive home... and now I am completely happy.

The only thing really distressing me at the moment is just feeling not-so-good about my German ability -- and my lack of friends. Right now I feel like I will never find a place here! Today I went to Cafe Mokka for a tea, and it was really nice because they have amazing tea (although don't ask for milk, that's not culturally acceptable.) It was empty except for this irritating couple, and when it got dark the woman working there put this beautiful big candle on my table and it was so nice and cozy! It was like Christmas. Still, I was feeling sad because in my head I kept going over everything I'd accomplished here in Germany and everything I want to accomplish, and I felt like absolutely nothing has changed since I got here. I'm just as homesick, just as friendless, I feel just as awkward (sometimes) with my host family, and my Deutsch isn't much better. I also feel really bad because one day I'll be really talkative and comfortable, the next I'll cry literally all day long, and I think it really upsets Regina. She really wants me to be happy and it confuses her when I appear to be so happy one minute and so sad the next. Still, I'm trying to go easy on myself -- I really haven't been here that long, and I have a lot of time to figure this Germany thing out.

Oh yes, more about school -- my novelty has worn off. At first, the others found me so interesting, and wanted to talk to me all the time and sit next to me. Now, nobody talks to me, not even Aline and Karoline (who are so nice). Often I am asked about English homework, but other than that, I'm a little ignored. Still, I'm not completely sad about this because I KNOW that even if I were to leave tomorrow, I would keep in touch with my family, Alisa, Tang, Martha, and Chiara. And even though we don't have a lot in common at times, those relationships will just keep getting stronger, and I trust that by the end of the year I will have made some real friends.

Also I think I am going to have a birthday party. I am so excited about this, it's like I am suddenly seven years old. I often feel seven years old here -- I suddenly remember how frustrating it was to be that age and never be taken seriously. More later.