I have to take Ethics twice a week. It's supposed to be all religion-neutral, but in my opinion it's not. Our classroom is big with blank walls and a stylish chalkboard like all the other classrooms in our school. The window looks out on the Synagogue Pforzheim. Every morning the teacher wishes us a lovely good morning, and we say good morning back. Then he scolds us on how lame our "good morning" was and we all shout, "GUTEN MORGEN!" This quality in a person always irritates me a little, but I am still pretty fond of the ethics teacher. He brings out a big, industrial-looking bucket full of Bibles, and we need to read certain passages and discuss something. He writes on the board in illegible handwriting and I copy Aline's notes. Then I go home and attempt to translate them into English and learn charming phrases like "Opfer Christi für die Sünder der Welt" (Christ's sacrifice for the sin of the world.)
Today we had a big test in Ethik -- let's just say my knowledge of Christian Ethics makes me look like a jazz historian. He didn't even give me a test to write, and when I meekly said, "Er, entschuldigen Sie?" he didn't hear me. Sonya and Verena had to kind of shout in unison and then he handed me one. In the first section we had to write who Constantine was. I wrote an extremely charming, historically correct "Constantine was a king of Rome. He became king and then the Jews must to go out of the great city." I don't even know if that's true, I might be mixing him up with other antisemitic Roman kings.
Next I skipped some things, and anncounced that the Lamb symbolizes "Innocense and purity," the fish "the start and Jesus Christ." I next had to describe the differences between Catholicism and Evangelicism. I wrote, "In Catholicism the church is more necessary. In Evenagelicism it is also necessary, but not so very. In Catholicism it is a political power" (but I used the word like "magic power") "and it makes one's belief. Mary Mother of Christ is not so necessary in Evangelicism. She is the mother of Jesus and a good woman, but in Catholicism she is totally necessary. In Evangelicism there is no pope, and no defined ceremony to become a priest. In Catholicism there's a really defined ceremony with necessary words, and it's all especially necessary and defined."
Next came a poem we had to interpret. I wrote, "I'm sorry. It will take me maybe two hours to read that poem, so I can't do this!"
And, the "give your opinion": How do people use Christian ethics in their day-to-day lives? What do you think about these rules? I wrote: "I believe that for many people a God is good in that to believe. It gives them order and peace in the world. They know someone watches them and they can know they are a good person. Then they are good. They like to know what is good and don't have to deicde alone. So Christian ethics can be good for them. For people middle in America it is sometimes like this. Sometimes it is harder if you don't believe in a God because you need to decide without a God who says." (I had to throw that in there, maybe next time he quizzes us on our religious beliefs he'll offer "atheist" as an option!) "I find the Christian ethics sometimes too strong. We need to understand that they are from another time and understand them for today. Sometimes people don't understand this and think they are too defined."
So, maybe the ethics teacher (his name is Herr Häfner, which I think is funny even though it's a completely everyday name) will get a good laugh. Or maybe he'll think, "This girl's an idiot." We'll see.
Donnerstag, November 27, 2008
Mittwoch, November 26, 2008
Dienstag, November 25, 2008
Samstag, November 22, 2008
Heidelberg
I know this is really belated, but I wanted to post a couple photos since they are beautiful (if I do say so myself!)
On Halloween, I planned a little trip to Heidelberg for four people. My plans were pretty self-centered, excluding the Schloss, but including a variety of vegetarian restaurant choices, a medical museum, and a 45-minute walk uphill on a road called "Philosophenweg" where Goethe and Schiller and Heidegger and other famous guys used to hang. (Although not all at the same time.) Unfortunately two of them decided not to come, after I'd bought the tickets... but instead of considering it a disaster, I went cheerfully to Heidelberg with just Tang, and we had a really nice time. I love Heidelberg despite how touristy it is -- I find it absolutely beautiful.
Picturesque view of the city by the river.
Here I am! Yes, I am significantly chubbier, but I think that's pretty much to be expected.
On Halloween, I planned a little trip to Heidelberg for four people. My plans were pretty self-centered, excluding the Schloss, but including a variety of vegetarian restaurant choices, a medical museum, and a 45-minute walk uphill on a road called "Philosophenweg" where Goethe and Schiller and Heidegger and other famous guys used to hang. (Although not all at the same time.) Unfortunately two of them decided not to come, after I'd bought the tickets... but instead of considering it a disaster, I went cheerfully to Heidelberg with just Tang, and we had a really nice time. I love Heidelberg despite how touristy it is -- I find it absolutely beautiful.
Picturesque view of the city by the river.
Here I am! Yes, I am significantly chubbier, but I think that's pretty much to be expected.
Donnerstag, November 20, 2008
Käse
"If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things." -- Descartes
I almost feel bad about including this quote on my blog. It's cliche -- it's like, "Obviously there's a quote involved here." But when I read this quote a little over a month ago, something clicked into place, and I knew everything would be okay. I thought, OK, I can do this. I can cope with this weird burst of self-loss, which is really the biggest roadblock here. Not the people, the city, the loneliness, food, whatever. It's me, because I really believe (perhaps absurdly) that I can change everything with a simple change of attitude. And lately I have been thinking, "What's going on here? Why are you so shy? Why won't you take every opportunity that comes your way? WHY AREN'T YOU HAVING A LIFE-CHANGING EXPERIENCE YET? Who is this person I'm suddenly stuck with here?"
Speaking of life-changing experiences and all, I recently read Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I enjoyed it despite its God-yness, but I am very skeptical; I think she made some of it up. If there is anyone on this planet (including you, Elizabeth Gilbert) who has had such a predictably meaningful experience, I would like to hear all about it. I don't believe such a person can exist. I don't believe anyone can just say, "I'm having a meaningful experience now! Here I go, to Italy and India and Indonisia, having a meaningful experience!" For me, the small amount of meaningfulness hits me when I least expect it, like yesterday when I was being bombarded with gifts and songs, as a small example. I suddenly realized that I am welcome here, totally out of nowhere. And even here in Germany, I expected to come back a CHANGED PERSON and right now I think I am just floating a little. I am inevitably going to change a little, but it will never be what I expect. And that's why I am skeptical of any example of someone planning it out: "first I am going to learn this, then this, then this." I don't think it happens like that, at least not for me.
I apologize for this "Käse" (the cheesiness.) Yes, that's an expression in German too! Also at the risk of sounding completely egotistical, I have realized that I do learn languages particularly fast. When I started my Deutschkurs a month ago (in Pforzheim), the others were all better in German and the work was really hard. Now I am way ahead of them, considerably so.
Still really sore... I don't know why going to Germany has given me constant muscle pain. But my yoga class helps, I wish I had it every day!
Oh yes, also the girl at Cafe Mokka spoke to me today and also handed me my yoga mat. I love it when people are nice not just out of obligation.
I almost feel bad about including this quote on my blog. It's cliche -- it's like, "Obviously there's a quote involved here." But when I read this quote a little over a month ago, something clicked into place, and I knew everything would be okay. I thought, OK, I can do this. I can cope with this weird burst of self-loss, which is really the biggest roadblock here. Not the people, the city, the loneliness, food, whatever. It's me, because I really believe (perhaps absurdly) that I can change everything with a simple change of attitude. And lately I have been thinking, "What's going on here? Why are you so shy? Why won't you take every opportunity that comes your way? WHY AREN'T YOU HAVING A LIFE-CHANGING EXPERIENCE YET? Who is this person I'm suddenly stuck with here?"
Speaking of life-changing experiences and all, I recently read Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I enjoyed it despite its God-yness, but I am very skeptical; I think she made some of it up. If there is anyone on this planet (including you, Elizabeth Gilbert) who has had such a predictably meaningful experience, I would like to hear all about it. I don't believe such a person can exist. I don't believe anyone can just say, "I'm having a meaningful experience now! Here I go, to Italy and India and Indonisia, having a meaningful experience!" For me, the small amount of meaningfulness hits me when I least expect it, like yesterday when I was being bombarded with gifts and songs, as a small example. I suddenly realized that I am welcome here, totally out of nowhere. And even here in Germany, I expected to come back a CHANGED PERSON and right now I think I am just floating a little. I am inevitably going to change a little, but it will never be what I expect. And that's why I am skeptical of any example of someone planning it out: "first I am going to learn this, then this, then this." I don't think it happens like that, at least not for me.
I apologize for this "Käse" (the cheesiness.) Yes, that's an expression in German too! Also at the risk of sounding completely egotistical, I have realized that I do learn languages particularly fast. When I started my Deutschkurs a month ago (in Pforzheim), the others were all better in German and the work was really hard. Now I am way ahead of them, considerably so.
Still really sore... I don't know why going to Germany has given me constant muscle pain. But my yoga class helps, I wish I had it every day!
Oh yes, also the girl at Cafe Mokka spoke to me today and also handed me my yoga mat. I love it when people are nice not just out of obligation.
Birthday!
No offense to those at home, but this was probably the most wonderful birthday I have ever had.
My morning was normal, except for the addition of colorful paper napkins and a pretty candle to my breakfast table. I ate some strawberry müsli and ran to my bus. On the way to school I stopped to buy a stamp, and the stamp maschine ate my euro. I was pretty exhausted, as usual, and I went straight to my first class of the day, Deutsch. I entered the room and was immediately shoved outside again by a girl named Martina, who said (in English), "No, you must wait here now." So I waited for a couple minutes and then about ten kids LINED UP to hug me and say "Alles gute zum Gerburtstag"! I was basically in shock -- after all, I have only known these girls for a month, and usually I don't even interact with them except to offer such insights as "Today it is cold in the school!" and "In America the teachers are sometimes more nice, and not so strong." I went into the room and at my seat was a big homemade cake with candles, some cards, and some chocolate. I sat down, and a whole other wave of kids approached me and each person handed me a gift. Yes, I'm serious. I got chocolate bars and cookies and gingerbread and a book and lotion and soap and a pretty box -- AND a whole other homemade cake! (On it it says: "Alles gute zum Geburstag, für Zoe, von Pauli, Soni und Vere." Adorable!)
After the gift-giving was done, the class broke into song. It was a German song, and not "Happy Birthday", either. This song didn't just wish me happiness, it wished me friendship and kindness and love and hard work and all these other totally inexpresivably abstract things that made it so incredibly awesome. And they sang in a ROUND, and 80% of my class is in the chorus and they can all really sing. I laughed like an idiot. The Deutschlehrer looked a little aghast at this huge disruption, but he offered me "congratulations" and shook my hand. And let us eat cake before turning back to Mutter Courage und Ihre Kinder, which I have pretty much given up on.
In each class, someone informed the teacher it was my birthday, and I was sung to again. In French Frau Egge, smiling menacingly (like always) said in German, "I need two men, and they must be very strong, but also careful." Then the two Lukases in my class lifted my chair into the air (without telling me!) while the class sang "Something something something... und DREI MAL HOCH!" Oh my God, it was surreal. Getting all the gifts home was quite a production!
Then I had tons of cake and coffee with Regina and Hans-Peter and opened my presents. I got so many wonderful things, and it was so much fun to have all these packages to open. Aline (from my school) wrote me a really nice note about how happy she is I have come to Germany and she hopes I like the school and she would like to get to know me better; it was so sweet. I got many, many books. I started to tear up after reading the letter from Mana, and once I got to David Meiklejohn's letter I was crying pretty steadily... I was never such a crier before this year. Seriously. All it takes is the sentence "As you grow older, you will see a lot of people start to lose touch with themselves and their dreams" and I start bawling.
The gift opening took a while. The A.P.C. jeans still fit, even after two months of sugar and dairy products! Then we went to Karlsruhe and had Indian food with Alex and Sonja. I can open a menu and immediately know what everything is and how it will taste!! I mean, Navrattan Korma is basically always good! All my favorite comfort food... unfortunately I was SO full from the cake, and I didn't have much of an appetite even for Indian food.
So that was my birthday (roughly.) I had a really lovely day... tomorrow I will have a small party with the other exchange students in Karlsruhe. Should be fun, I think.
My morning was normal, except for the addition of colorful paper napkins and a pretty candle to my breakfast table. I ate some strawberry müsli and ran to my bus. On the way to school I stopped to buy a stamp, and the stamp maschine ate my euro. I was pretty exhausted, as usual, and I went straight to my first class of the day, Deutsch. I entered the room and was immediately shoved outside again by a girl named Martina, who said (in English), "No, you must wait here now." So I waited for a couple minutes and then about ten kids LINED UP to hug me and say "Alles gute zum Gerburtstag"! I was basically in shock -- after all, I have only known these girls for a month, and usually I don't even interact with them except to offer such insights as "Today it is cold in the school!" and "In America the teachers are sometimes more nice, and not so strong." I went into the room and at my seat was a big homemade cake with candles, some cards, and some chocolate. I sat down, and a whole other wave of kids approached me and each person handed me a gift. Yes, I'm serious. I got chocolate bars and cookies and gingerbread and a book and lotion and soap and a pretty box -- AND a whole other homemade cake! (On it it says: "Alles gute zum Geburstag, für Zoe, von Pauli, Soni und Vere." Adorable!)
After the gift-giving was done, the class broke into song. It was a German song, and not "Happy Birthday", either. This song didn't just wish me happiness, it wished me friendship and kindness and love and hard work and all these other totally inexpresivably abstract things that made it so incredibly awesome. And they sang in a ROUND, and 80% of my class is in the chorus and they can all really sing. I laughed like an idiot. The Deutschlehrer looked a little aghast at this huge disruption, but he offered me "congratulations" and shook my hand. And let us eat cake before turning back to Mutter Courage und Ihre Kinder, which I have pretty much given up on.
In each class, someone informed the teacher it was my birthday, and I was sung to again. In French Frau Egge, smiling menacingly (like always) said in German, "I need two men, and they must be very strong, but also careful." Then the two Lukases in my class lifted my chair into the air (without telling me!) while the class sang "Something something something... und DREI MAL HOCH!" Oh my God, it was surreal. Getting all the gifts home was quite a production!
Then I had tons of cake and coffee with Regina and Hans-Peter and opened my presents. I got so many wonderful things, and it was so much fun to have all these packages to open. Aline (from my school) wrote me a really nice note about how happy she is I have come to Germany and she hopes I like the school and she would like to get to know me better; it was so sweet. I got many, many books. I started to tear up after reading the letter from Mana, and once I got to David Meiklejohn's letter I was crying pretty steadily... I was never such a crier before this year. Seriously. All it takes is the sentence "As you grow older, you will see a lot of people start to lose touch with themselves and their dreams" and I start bawling.
The gift opening took a while. The A.P.C. jeans still fit, even after two months of sugar and dairy products! Then we went to Karlsruhe and had Indian food with Alex and Sonja. I can open a menu and immediately know what everything is and how it will taste!! I mean, Navrattan Korma is basically always good! All my favorite comfort food... unfortunately I was SO full from the cake, and I didn't have much of an appetite even for Indian food.
So that was my birthday (roughly.) I had a really lovely day... tomorrow I will have a small party with the other exchange students in Karlsruhe. Should be fun, I think.
Dienstag, November 18, 2008
Today
So. Tomorrow is my birthday. I am not sure I am ready to be 16 yet, personally, but I accept it as it can't really be helped. I got a stack of letters in the mail today -- one from Pop, one from Mana, one from Ribby and one from Jason, which I've added to my pile of boxes and envelopes! Seriously, thanks so much. It makes me feel so happy to get packages in the mail, and so loved.
Today I had a rather funny day at school. I knitted basically all day, which was good because if I have nothing to do, I feel really awkward sitting with the other students and having nothing to say to them. I thought I would be so good at this (I CAN be social when I try really hard!) but I have no talent for making conversations with non-English speaking teenagers.
We had P.E. today, which really, really sucks. The teacher is getting more and more annoyed with me as time goes on, which makes me feel really bad because it's not like I'm terrible at everything on purpose! We have been working these past few weeks on throwing a 4-kilo ball. Some of the other girls can throw it eight meters or something, in one loose, graceful motion. I always end up throwing it straight down instead of out, where it bounces a little and then kind of thumps a horrible defeated thump in the middle of the squishy, royal blue mat. I think (although I didn't really understand the explanation, I could be mistaken) that next week we have to throw the ball 6 meters or else we get a six. I'm kind of counting on the six.
In music class, we are studying "Programm-Musik." I only sort of halfway know what this is, after two weeks of study. Every day we begin our class with these ridiculous salmon-colored textbooks titled "Sound Check 10!" (Yes, with exclamation point.) On the cover are some healthy, active-looking German teens giving the photographer a thumbs-up. We then sing from a variety of "Lieder" -- there are maybe 25 different songs in the book, but the music teacher usually picks from some of his favorites. These are, more or less:
Tonight (West Side Story)
Killing Me Softly
Swing Low, Sweet Chariot
Blowin' in the Wind
Eternal Flame
Dona, Dona
...and so on. You get the idea -- "classic," English-language, and the like. I always cross my fingers for "Knockin' On Heaven's Door" (page 74!) but unfortunately my prayers are not often answered. Another that I enjoy is "Neunundneunzig Luftballons," but I can't sing that fast in German! And it's confusing because I know all the words to that song in English!
Then we begin listening to "Pictures in an Exhibition," and we read along in these old-fashioned bright yellow books with the orchestrated verson AND the Klavier! And it's pretty awesome because we listen to all of the pieces over and over again, and I think I've heard them all by now. I always wonder what the image of "Gnomus" looks like, because the tune is so scary. What's up with that gnome? Then the teacher lectures and I copy the notes of a girl who sits next to me, named Corina. And I don't understand a single thing I'm writing down.
After school I went to Cafe Mokka. I had about 45 minutes before meeting Tang's train from Kleinsteinbach, so I got myself an expensive Rooibusch Latte for a last-day-ever-of-being-15 Geschänk. She was a little early, so she called my cell phone and I gave her directions to the cafe. We were hungry, and she was wondering if there was a Thai restaurant in Pforzheim. I didn't think so, but she asked the guy at the cafe anyway, and it turns out there was one right down the street! Tang is never, ever shy about asking people things, and 75% of the time it seems to really pay off. I would never think to ask if there's a Thai restaurant around, or expect any definitive answer, but it worked out.
We shared some really, really spicy Thai curry. It was so spicy it made me sweat, literally, but it was really good. Then Tang showed me this cool machine in a convenience store where you can put in your camera card and buy photo prints for 40 cents each. And they print immediately! I didn't even realize such a thing existed. So now I have a nice print she gave me of us in Heidelberg.
Speaking of photos, my USB drive is still not functioning... I really need to ask for help, I think.
Tschüs,
Zoe
Today I had a rather funny day at school. I knitted basically all day, which was good because if I have nothing to do, I feel really awkward sitting with the other students and having nothing to say to them. I thought I would be so good at this (I CAN be social when I try really hard!) but I have no talent for making conversations with non-English speaking teenagers.
We had P.E. today, which really, really sucks. The teacher is getting more and more annoyed with me as time goes on, which makes me feel really bad because it's not like I'm terrible at everything on purpose! We have been working these past few weeks on throwing a 4-kilo ball. Some of the other girls can throw it eight meters or something, in one loose, graceful motion. I always end up throwing it straight down instead of out, where it bounces a little and then kind of thumps a horrible defeated thump in the middle of the squishy, royal blue mat. I think (although I didn't really understand the explanation, I could be mistaken) that next week we have to throw the ball 6 meters or else we get a six. I'm kind of counting on the six.
In music class, we are studying "Programm-Musik." I only sort of halfway know what this is, after two weeks of study. Every day we begin our class with these ridiculous salmon-colored textbooks titled "Sound Check 10!" (Yes, with exclamation point.) On the cover are some healthy, active-looking German teens giving the photographer a thumbs-up. We then sing from a variety of "Lieder" -- there are maybe 25 different songs in the book, but the music teacher usually picks from some of his favorites. These are, more or less:
Tonight (West Side Story)
Killing Me Softly
Swing Low, Sweet Chariot
Blowin' in the Wind
Eternal Flame
Dona, Dona
...and so on. You get the idea -- "classic," English-language, and the like. I always cross my fingers for "Knockin' On Heaven's Door" (page 74!) but unfortunately my prayers are not often answered. Another that I enjoy is "Neunundneunzig Luftballons," but I can't sing that fast in German! And it's confusing because I know all the words to that song in English!
Then we begin listening to "Pictures in an Exhibition," and we read along in these old-fashioned bright yellow books with the orchestrated verson AND the Klavier! And it's pretty awesome because we listen to all of the pieces over and over again, and I think I've heard them all by now. I always wonder what the image of "Gnomus" looks like, because the tune is so scary. What's up with that gnome? Then the teacher lectures and I copy the notes of a girl who sits next to me, named Corina. And I don't understand a single thing I'm writing down.
After school I went to Cafe Mokka. I had about 45 minutes before meeting Tang's train from Kleinsteinbach, so I got myself an expensive Rooibusch Latte for a last-day-ever-of-being-15 Geschänk. She was a little early, so she called my cell phone and I gave her directions to the cafe. We were hungry, and she was wondering if there was a Thai restaurant in Pforzheim. I didn't think so, but she asked the guy at the cafe anyway, and it turns out there was one right down the street! Tang is never, ever shy about asking people things, and 75% of the time it seems to really pay off. I would never think to ask if there's a Thai restaurant around, or expect any definitive answer, but it worked out.
We shared some really, really spicy Thai curry. It was so spicy it made me sweat, literally, but it was really good. Then Tang showed me this cool machine in a convenience store where you can put in your camera card and buy photo prints for 40 cents each. And they print immediately! I didn't even realize such a thing existed. So now I have a nice print she gave me of us in Heidelberg.
Speaking of photos, my USB drive is still not functioning... I really need to ask for help, I think.
Tschüs,
Zoe
Donnerstag, November 13, 2008
Practicum
Sorry, I really don't know how to spell that.
So, today I borke the news to my host family that I'm planning on becoming a philosophy professor "von Beruf." I say "broke the news" because sometimes I feel a little like a tiresome deadbeat on society among all these future doctors and diplomats. (Two terribly practical professors that are really, really valuable in this modern age.) Before, when asked what I was planning on doing in the future I either said "I don't know yet" or "mumble mumble mumble professor of some kind." Yes, I know that's ridiculous, and I know I should be who I am and realize that philosophy can be very practical, and plus it makes me feel alive. And you that ol' saying, that the world needs people who feel alive? But still, I just feel a little umcomfortable with it; I feel a little what-am-i-doing guilt.
It came up because I have to make a Practicum. This is a week-long job shadow in February or March, and it's pretty important. My host family asked me what I wanted to do, and I said I wanted to be a professor.
"For what? For literature?"
"Um, yes."
They discussed options for a while (it looks like I'm going to be calling up the Pforzheimer Zeitung) and then asked some more clarifying questions. "For Shakespeare?" (I ranted for a while about my deep, everlasting love for Hamlet sometime during my first week here, I think.) "Or philosophy?"
"Philosophy," I said. "I will become a professor for philosophy."
They reacted not with the expected "What the hell are you doing with your life?" but with absolute enthusiasm and glee, and many stories about times both of them dabbled in philosophy. I was presented with a huge stack of books from the 70s set in beautiful fonts, which I probably won't be able to read for about five years (that's just a slight exaggeration.) With titles like "Existenzphilosophie." And Regina and I had a lovely conversation about Sophie's World, which she too has read! Anyway, they are both totally excited about my profession.
It's funny -- despite how different my host parents are from my real ones, these times come up when they remind me so, so much of my dad. And then I realize that despite how annoyed we sometimes get with each other, they really love me and I am really in the right place here.
So, today I borke the news to my host family that I'm planning on becoming a philosophy professor "von Beruf." I say "broke the news" because sometimes I feel a little like a tiresome deadbeat on society among all these future doctors and diplomats. (Two terribly practical professors that are really, really valuable in this modern age.) Before, when asked what I was planning on doing in the future I either said "I don't know yet" or "mumble mumble mumble professor of some kind." Yes, I know that's ridiculous, and I know I should be who I am and realize that philosophy can be very practical, and plus it makes me feel alive. And you that ol' saying, that the world needs people who feel alive? But still, I just feel a little umcomfortable with it; I feel a little what-am-i-doing guilt.
It came up because I have to make a Practicum. This is a week-long job shadow in February or March, and it's pretty important. My host family asked me what I wanted to do, and I said I wanted to be a professor.
"For what? For literature?"
"Um, yes."
They discussed options for a while (it looks like I'm going to be calling up the Pforzheimer Zeitung) and then asked some more clarifying questions. "For Shakespeare?" (I ranted for a while about my deep, everlasting love for Hamlet sometime during my first week here, I think.) "Or philosophy?"
"Philosophy," I said. "I will become a professor for philosophy."
They reacted not with the expected "What the hell are you doing with your life?" but with absolute enthusiasm and glee, and many stories about times both of them dabbled in philosophy. I was presented with a huge stack of books from the 70s set in beautiful fonts, which I probably won't be able to read for about five years (that's just a slight exaggeration.) With titles like "Existenzphilosophie." And Regina and I had a lovely conversation about Sophie's World, which she too has read! Anyway, they are both totally excited about my profession.
It's funny -- despite how different my host parents are from my real ones, these times come up when they remind me so, so much of my dad. And then I realize that despite how annoyed we sometimes get with each other, they really love me and I am really in the right place here.
Some words about school
First of all, I'm really sorry I haven't been writing more. I'd hoped to wait to update with some amazing photographs of Heidelberg and Regina with Davy Rothbart, but alas, there's something wrong with my (external! weird!) USB drive. So those will have to wait.
Second of all, thank you thank you thank you to all of you who sent me a package/letter. I love you all so much. My host family is mildly disturbed by my abundance of birthday packages (which I'm waiting to open!) as I don't think birthday gifts are as common here in Germany, at least for adults. I'm also really sorry about not writing back, for those who I have yet to write to. I promise that you will recieve a letter from me really soon.
And now, to school: I have a math test tomorrow that I am undoubtedly going to fail, despite all of Alex's help. I honestly have not understood anything the teacher has written on the board for the past four weeks. I am also too scared to ask him (or warn him about my failing) because I am absolutely terrified of him. He yells at us, "You learned this in the 8th class! YOU LEARNED THIS IN THE 8TH CLASS! This is NO Hauptschule!!" He is so scary!
I have another test on Tuesday, in history, that I will also undoubtedly fail. That teacher scares me a little also, but Alex promises he's a nice guy, so I think I will approach him and warn him beforehand. I expect a comment about "those Americans," since he likes to tease me about being American in the class... Often the other students have to translate his remarks for me.
I am incredibly sore from Sport class on Tuesday. I played volleyball for the first time in my life, and I find that I am almost unbelievably terrible at it -- worse at it than I am at soccer, or football, or softball. But, I am so sincere about volleyball, and I try SO FRIGGIN' HARD. I jump up and wave my hands about spastically whenever the ball comes my way. When I miss it, I race after it as fast as possible, throw it up, and proceed to try four or five times before getting it over the net. I run to wherever the ball is, then hit it down instead of up, and then try four or five more times to "serve." Within ten minutes I am drenched in sweat, and most of the other girls play well and appropriately without moving more than a few feet at a time. The teacher often "takes me aside" to lecture me on my terrible, terrible volleyball style. But I really hope she notices how much I put into these pathetic volleyball games.
Today I answered a few questions (rather gingerly) in French. My French teacher is a psychopath. Then is biology, I answered five or so times!! I totally understand the entire class -- I have never felt this good at biology in my life.
You can probably tell from my tone that I am in a good mood. However, it is still really up-and-down: today was one of those days when I woke up crying just because I was dreaming about home, thourough enjoyed the bus ride (it's really pretty because the little villages are all lit up in the dark mornings), spent the whole day in a kind of tired trance, then spent the afernoon feeling absolutely miserable and trying to convince myself not to call Alisa and complain to her again, then had a really funny Deutschkurs and a nice drive home... and now I am completely happy.
The only thing really distressing me at the moment is just feeling not-so-good about my German ability -- and my lack of friends. Right now I feel like I will never find a place here! Today I went to Cafe Mokka for a tea, and it was really nice because they have amazing tea (although don't ask for milk, that's not culturally acceptable.) It was empty except for this irritating couple, and when it got dark the woman working there put this beautiful big candle on my table and it was so nice and cozy! It was like Christmas. Still, I was feeling sad because in my head I kept going over everything I'd accomplished here in Germany and everything I want to accomplish, and I felt like absolutely nothing has changed since I got here. I'm just as homesick, just as friendless, I feel just as awkward (sometimes) with my host family, and my Deutsch isn't much better. I also feel really bad because one day I'll be really talkative and comfortable, the next I'll cry literally all day long, and I think it really upsets Regina. She really wants me to be happy and it confuses her when I appear to be so happy one minute and so sad the next. Still, I'm trying to go easy on myself -- I really haven't been here that long, and I have a lot of time to figure this Germany thing out.
Oh yes, more about school -- my novelty has worn off. At first, the others found me so interesting, and wanted to talk to me all the time and sit next to me. Now, nobody talks to me, not even Aline and Karoline (who are so nice). Often I am asked about English homework, but other than that, I'm a little ignored. Still, I'm not completely sad about this because I KNOW that even if I were to leave tomorrow, I would keep in touch with my family, Alisa, Tang, Martha, and Chiara. And even though we don't have a lot in common at times, those relationships will just keep getting stronger, and I trust that by the end of the year I will have made some real friends.
Also I think I am going to have a birthday party. I am so excited about this, it's like I am suddenly seven years old. I often feel seven years old here -- I suddenly remember how frustrating it was to be that age and never be taken seriously. More later.
Second of all, thank you thank you thank you to all of you who sent me a package/letter. I love you all so much. My host family is mildly disturbed by my abundance of birthday packages (which I'm waiting to open!) as I don't think birthday gifts are as common here in Germany, at least for adults. I'm also really sorry about not writing back, for those who I have yet to write to. I promise that you will recieve a letter from me really soon.
And now, to school: I have a math test tomorrow that I am undoubtedly going to fail, despite all of Alex's help. I honestly have not understood anything the teacher has written on the board for the past four weeks. I am also too scared to ask him (or warn him about my failing) because I am absolutely terrified of him. He yells at us, "You learned this in the 8th class! YOU LEARNED THIS IN THE 8TH CLASS! This is NO Hauptschule!!" He is so scary!
I have another test on Tuesday, in history, that I will also undoubtedly fail. That teacher scares me a little also, but Alex promises he's a nice guy, so I think I will approach him and warn him beforehand. I expect a comment about "those Americans," since he likes to tease me about being American in the class... Often the other students have to translate his remarks for me.
I am incredibly sore from Sport class on Tuesday. I played volleyball for the first time in my life, and I find that I am almost unbelievably terrible at it -- worse at it than I am at soccer, or football, or softball. But, I am so sincere about volleyball, and I try SO FRIGGIN' HARD. I jump up and wave my hands about spastically whenever the ball comes my way. When I miss it, I race after it as fast as possible, throw it up, and proceed to try four or five times before getting it over the net. I run to wherever the ball is, then hit it down instead of up, and then try four or five more times to "serve." Within ten minutes I am drenched in sweat, and most of the other girls play well and appropriately without moving more than a few feet at a time. The teacher often "takes me aside" to lecture me on my terrible, terrible volleyball style. But I really hope she notices how much I put into these pathetic volleyball games.
Today I answered a few questions (rather gingerly) in French. My French teacher is a psychopath. Then is biology, I answered five or so times!! I totally understand the entire class -- I have never felt this good at biology in my life.
You can probably tell from my tone that I am in a good mood. However, it is still really up-and-down: today was one of those days when I woke up crying just because I was dreaming about home, thourough enjoyed the bus ride (it's really pretty because the little villages are all lit up in the dark mornings), spent the whole day in a kind of tired trance, then spent the afernoon feeling absolutely miserable and trying to convince myself not to call Alisa and complain to her again, then had a really funny Deutschkurs and a nice drive home... and now I am completely happy.
The only thing really distressing me at the moment is just feeling not-so-good about my German ability -- and my lack of friends. Right now I feel like I will never find a place here! Today I went to Cafe Mokka for a tea, and it was really nice because they have amazing tea (although don't ask for milk, that's not culturally acceptable.) It was empty except for this irritating couple, and when it got dark the woman working there put this beautiful big candle on my table and it was so nice and cozy! It was like Christmas. Still, I was feeling sad because in my head I kept going over everything I'd accomplished here in Germany and everything I want to accomplish, and I felt like absolutely nothing has changed since I got here. I'm just as homesick, just as friendless, I feel just as awkward (sometimes) with my host family, and my Deutsch isn't much better. I also feel really bad because one day I'll be really talkative and comfortable, the next I'll cry literally all day long, and I think it really upsets Regina. She really wants me to be happy and it confuses her when I appear to be so happy one minute and so sad the next. Still, I'm trying to go easy on myself -- I really haven't been here that long, and I have a lot of time to figure this Germany thing out.
Oh yes, more about school -- my novelty has worn off. At first, the others found me so interesting, and wanted to talk to me all the time and sit next to me. Now, nobody talks to me, not even Aline and Karoline (who are so nice). Often I am asked about English homework, but other than that, I'm a little ignored. Still, I'm not completely sad about this because I KNOW that even if I were to leave tomorrow, I would keep in touch with my family, Alisa, Tang, Martha, and Chiara. And even though we don't have a lot in common at times, those relationships will just keep getting stronger, and I trust that by the end of the year I will have made some real friends.
Also I think I am going to have a birthday party. I am so excited about this, it's like I am suddenly seven years old. I often feel seven years old here -- I suddenly remember how frustrating it was to be that age and never be taken seriously. More later.
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