last day. ever.

I don't know quite how this happened, but it appears that today is my last day in Germany.

Up until a week ago (ähm, pretty much from September), I was looking forward to going home like insanely.

I find that the idea that at approximately 3 pm tomorrow I will be in the good ol' US of A COMPLETELY unimaginable. I will never live this crazy comedy-series life with my host sisters again. I will never walk past the Döner-Laden on my way home from school. I will not drink coffee in the afternoon on my porch in those little white cups with the blue rims. I will not be able to hop on the bus or train and go wherever I want to. I will not be invited to those weird parties where people play drinking games and yell at each other in Spanish. I will not be "that weird American anymore," or "that American who learned German in a year," or even generally "that American."

This is impossible to comprehend.

I don't really have a real life here. I feel like I'm practicing for something. A lot of the time I find myself thinking, "Next time I will do this and this and this differently." But then... this IS my life!! And as embarrassing or awkward as some things are -- namely, how unmusical I am in comparison to my classmates, my American accent, and the fact that people think I am naive -- I will miss this, and over the last week I've been saying to myself over and over again, "Hey, it was worth it!"

To celebrate last-days-in-Deutschland, yesterday I went with Tang and Marlene to a bar in Pforzheim and had cocktails, and someone got very drunk, and we came home and Marlene taped her to the staircase with packing tape while I filmed it. It was a lot funnier than it sounds.

See you in America.

at dinner, the conversation goes as follows:

Marlene: Do you know about star signs? Like, I'm a lion, Zoe is a scorpion?
Tang: Hm?
Marlene: Maybe you use like the Chinese ones? I think there's monkey, snake...
Me: No snake.
Marlene: Are you sure?
Me: Yes, there's no snake. There's a dragon, but there's no snake.
Marlene: Really?
Me: I'm sure. Tang, I'm a monkey, my brother's a rat...
Tang: OHHHHH! You mean like sheep!!
Me: Yes, there's a sheep too.
Tang: YES!!! I'm a sheep. Sheep is so sweet. Everyone comes and says "Awwwwww, you're so sweet," and they just look for something to eat. Marlene, you're 1990? You must be a horse. Ohhh, not so good. Horse isn't like sheep. Horse is a little stuck-up. Very proud. Not like sheep. Sheep just looks for something to eat, and everyone says they're SO sweet.
Me: I'm a monkey.
Tang: Oh! Oh, Monkey isn't so good. Monkey isn't like sheep. You don't ever listen, do you? Monkeys never listen. Monkey is definitely a lot worse than sheep.
Marlene (laughing): Not so the fan of monkeys, are you?
Me (laughing): Monkeys, Americans...
Tang (seriously): No, I don't like either that much.

The conversation turns to my day at school.

Me: We were talking about the viola. A girl in my class asked me if I know what a viola is. I said yes, I used to play the viola, but I stopped. She asked, why did you stop? I said, I wanted to play the saxophone. She said, Oh, you play the saxophone!! I said, well no, I stopped. And she said, Oh, I understand know. You're one of those people who always stops.
Tang: Well, that's true.
Me: Hey, not really. Well, yes. But not really. I felt like shit when she said that. That's my personality. It's the same with careers. I've wanted to be... (I list about 20 different careers, ranging from philosopher to marine biologist to baker.) But now I think I might want to be a doctor or a politician or something. Or an English teacher in Japan.
Tang: I have to warn you. Don't go to Japan unless you have a boyfriend. Japanese men are no good. If you marry one, you'll have to stay at home and clean the house and take care of the children all day while he works in an office.
Marlene: Do you want to get married someday, Zoe? Generally?
Me: Maybe. Maybe not.
Marlene: I do. I also know I want to have children, preferably when I am 26.
Tang: Hey! That's soon! We're all coming to your wedding.
Me: Whether you like it or not... ÜBERRASCHUNG!

last day of school EVER

Today, on my last day of German school, I gave a little presentation in English about New England and Maine. It was weird. I felt a little unprepared, especially when it came to the actual speaking. It's normal for my English to be a little awkward, but today it was just bizarre -- I felt like I literally could not form a sentence. It was also just somehow awkward to talk about home in front of my class -- I felt like they thought I was being somehow critical, when I'm really just excited to go home.

After school, my class had planned a surprise party for me, which was really, really sweet. We sat by the Nagold River and ate cake. They got me such great gifts: a class photo and these absolutely amazing, cool shoes. One of the girls in my class has the same ones, and she remembered that way, way at the beginning of the year, I told her I loved them and asked her where she'd bought them.



Shoes. They're sailing shoes -- sneakers for sailing.

can you believe...

...that THIS is Tang, sitting in the back row with the glasses?




And here she is now??




CRAZY, or? She suspects that at the airport, her own family will not recognize her.


Yesterday we went to Marii's "good-bye party" in Freiberg, and then afterward we went to Ludwigsburg, my new favorite charming little town in the world. As we wandering around its charming streets, I kept remarking, "Ludwigsburg is so cute!" We spent three hours admiring the statue of Schiller, going to the mall, and sitting in a cool cafe, and then we went to a big music-and-fireworks festival by the palace. We were there for almost five hours, until one in the morning. It was really, really fun. The band playing was pretty bad, but I love outdoor concerts where everyone brings picnics and blankets and sits on a lawn. We didn't have any picnic, since we'd come directly from Freiberg, so Tang bought a Bratwurst, and since there was no vegetarian option except fries, I was extremely German and bought a Radler, a beer with lemonade.

Marlene came later to meet up with us, but since she spent almost an hour looking for a parking place, she missed the fireworks. We stayed around a while anyway and listened to music and ate Brötchen. And completely randomly, I burst into tears. I don't even know why. Tang and Marlene were talking about the Abi-Move or whatever it's called, where the recently graduated German students get drunk and ride around their cities on floats wearing bikinis, and suddenly it hit me that I will be gone in a week, and with the approaching end of school (Monday is my last day), going home is started to sound less and less appealing. I have realized that I despise school, but I love Germany, and I love my host sisters too. Tang tells me sometimes, "I don't even notice you. You're so normal. But next year, I will miss you so much." Although the first time she said this, I was kind of offended, I think I feel exactly the same about her.

Anyway, as I am crying, this conversation ensues:
Me: Crying.
Tang: What's going on? Are you crying? I don't understand!
Me (hugging Marlene): I love you so much, Marlene.
Marlene: Oh Zoe, I love you too.
Tang: I don't understand! Are you drunk?
Me: Crying.
Me: No... I had one beer... three and a half hours ago!
Marlene: Laughing.
Tang: I don't understand!!


Today we're going to Martha's good-bye party in Karlsruhe. In case anyone's wondering, my "good-bye party" is on Thursday and will consist of eating Raclette and playing 6 Nimmt with my host family.

Some funny videos are on the way. Well, maybe if you spoke German, they would be mildly funny, but for most of you they will probably just be me talking for five minutes while Tang does some spastic camerawork.

some things to note

1. Yesterday my ethics teacher told our class that Buddhism is not a religion.

2. Today my math teacher said that he still has my test (which the rest of the class received two weeks ago) and has come to the conclusion that I haven't understood anything all year.

3. Yesterday I went over to a girl from my French class's house and studied for our French quiz. It was, surprisingly, really fun.

4. Today my class teacher loaned me a big book full of beautiful pictures of the U.S. to use in the presentation I'm giving on Monday. On the cover of the book is a photo that turned out to be of Portland Head Light. When I saw it, I got really excited and said, "I think this picture is of NEW ENGLAND! Wait, I think it might be of MAINE! It looks excactly like where I live!"

5. If you want to see videos of me in my kitchen or in the Brothers Grimm garden, click on the vimeo link I added.

6. I'm so excited to fly home in NINE DAYS!!!!!!!!