It seems that tomorrow I've officially got three weeks left in Germany. Isn't that, as they say, extreme?
I will miss Germany terribly, but mostly I am just really, really ready to be at home. It's not Germany's fault. I think in a lot of ways I wasn't ready for this year abroad. I definitely didn't take everything I could from it. I meant to, but in a lot of cases, I waited for stuff to come to me instead of reaching out and grabbing it. Tang tells me, "Your problem is you always look up. Sometimes you need to look down, too." By this, she doesn't mean that I'm overly optimistic -- she means that I always want to be better. I look at the people who are better than me instead of realizing how much I have or have accomplished.
So this explains why I've got such weird mixed feelings about going home. A lot of people, including Martha and my host sister Marlene, say that they feel/felt conflicted about leaving behind lives they'd worked so hard to create in their host countries. But I feel like I didn't have time to create my new life -- like maybe that would take two or three years instead of one. I like it here, and I love my host family, and the other exchange students are wonderful, but I still have this overwhelming feeling that this is not me. I'm just a temporary person. I don't know if this is because I didn't try hard enough, or coincidence, or because of how closed-off I can be with people sometimes, or what. I just know I am leaving with a little regret.
But it's not that I am regretting everything, or that I'm miserable, or anything of that sort. I am happy! I feel like I tried something new and I got out of it what I could. Sometimes I start going over in my head everything that's happened in this last year and it's incredibly overwhelming. I want to grab my journal and write everything down exactly the way it happened so I will never forget. Only then, I realize that I'd never have enough time, and I feel that limited feeling that I get all the time at home when I attempt elaborate art or film projects -- the things I can do feel so finite!
Other pieces of news:
1. Right now my German and Thai host sisters are deciphering my practice worksheet for my math test.
2. In Music we are studying something called "tonality" and "Kadenz". It's something with chords, under them are Roman numerals I II IV V VI V V VI VII, and the chords change to other chords, represented by m and another letter. In other words, something that my five years of piano lessons as a child did not cover. More proof that I, a self-taught ukeist, should not be on the track with all the musical prodigies. As my music teacher (who kind of resembles Daniel Johnston and is nice, but also one of those rock-music-isn't-actually-real-music folks) wrote this on the board, he declared, "This is easy! Even a monkey could do it!" A monkey, perhaps, but not the American exchange student.
3. Today I officially gave up my career in jogging. For a while, I was really enjoying it, jogging three times a week, and feeling better about all the crap I eat. But I really think it is just not for me. I've gotten way way worse all of a sudden, and it's frustrating, and I think I out to stick to physical actvities that I enjoy instead of ones I have to force myself to do.
4. To replace my career in jogging, I think next year I am going to learn to swim and learn to ride a bike. This has been my goal for roughly as long as I can remember. I have been learning to ride a bike for approximately three years, but somehow I just can't get the hang of it. As for swimming, that's just really necessary -- I want to learn to sail, but before I can do that, I need to get over my fear of water, and learn to swim.
5. I don't have any idea what I'm doing.
Donnerstag, Juni 18, 2009
Sonntag, Juni 14, 2009
summary of the last few weeks
Well, first of all, check out today's how-to. I especially enjoy the line: "When a flag is no longer in good condition (e.g. if it is torn, ripped or badly soiled) it should not be raised or displayed. It should be disposed of in a dignified way (such as a private burning.)"
I picked a dumb day to forget my camera. Today I was very sad to be unable to take any photos in Pforzheim's wonderful DDR museum. It completely exceeded my expectations! It turns out that there really ARE worthwhile things to do in Pforzheim. This museum is really, really worth a trip. It's only open from 11:00-3:00 Sundays, but it's got a great collection of photos, newspapers, posters, books, food, money, etc. from the DDR. The tour guide was really nice, gave me a bunch of free booklets, and talked to me for a long time about how the Luftbrücke and the support of America after WWII and how it was "really not anything like Iraq; they helped us out." Which is something that I hear really often from older people here. When she was a young woman, her parents immigrated to West Germany, and she was not allowed to visit them. She wrote letters to her parents telling them that she would go over (to visit) as soon as she could. The Stasi read them and arrested her, and she was imprisoned for 6 months in a tiny room with "other political prisoners and murderers." I guess the murderers were very spiteful towards her because they had life sentences and they knew the political prisoners would be leaving pretty soon.
A lot has happened in the last few weeks. The last week of May, I was in Hamburg for a few days, and then in Berlin:
Hamburg:
We were there visiting an old friend of Ulrike's, who has three children. Svea, in the picture below, is Marlene's age and is studying fashion design in Hamburg next year:
Indian food! (A special gift for me.) I impressed people by eating a lot of spicy red sauce that was really not all that spicy.
Cocktails. Mine is a White Russian!
Berlin:
Berlin ABSOLUTELY ABSOLUTELY exceeded my expectations. I LOVED it. It's by far my favorite city I've visited since getting here and perhaps my favorite city in the world. in contrast to Bonn, the AFS folks were extrememly flexible. We had TONS of free time and were allowed to wander the subway system by ourselves. Unfortunately I failed to take any particularly good pictures:
They've got Muji in Berlin too!
Rebecca looks concerned because we went to an international market with five people and we kept losing them:
We ended up getting caught in the rain a lot; it was really fabulous. Me with some nice girls:
The first week of June, Tang moved in with us. She was having problems with her host family in Karlsruhe, and she stays with us every weekend anyway, so my host parents said it was okay! So now we are five kids. It's been a LOT of fun; she goes to my school with me (although she's not in my class) and it's never, ever boring here. I think every weekend before I go home, I've got something planned. Last week of school, we wrote our first "Zentralische Klassenarbeit", (which are big tests we have to take at the end of 10th grade in Germany, and for the Realschüler are final exams), in German. I was pretty pleased; I probably won't be getting a passing grade, but it was an essay in German. Next week we've got them in English and Math. I probably won't even pass in English, and I'll probably accomplish two or three problems in Math -- in 2 1/2 hours. Failure. But I'm trying (like I have been for this entire year) just to forget about all of it.
I picked a dumb day to forget my camera. Today I was very sad to be unable to take any photos in Pforzheim's wonderful DDR museum. It completely exceeded my expectations! It turns out that there really ARE worthwhile things to do in Pforzheim. This museum is really, really worth a trip. It's only open from 11:00-3:00 Sundays, but it's got a great collection of photos, newspapers, posters, books, food, money, etc. from the DDR. The tour guide was really nice, gave me a bunch of free booklets, and talked to me for a long time about how the Luftbrücke and the support of America after WWII and how it was "really not anything like Iraq; they helped us out." Which is something that I hear really often from older people here. When she was a young woman, her parents immigrated to West Germany, and she was not allowed to visit them. She wrote letters to her parents telling them that she would go over (to visit) as soon as she could. The Stasi read them and arrested her, and she was imprisoned for 6 months in a tiny room with "other political prisoners and murderers." I guess the murderers were very spiteful towards her because they had life sentences and they knew the political prisoners would be leaving pretty soon.
A lot has happened in the last few weeks. The last week of May, I was in Hamburg for a few days, and then in Berlin:
Hamburg:
We were there visiting an old friend of Ulrike's, who has three children. Svea, in the picture below, is Marlene's age and is studying fashion design in Hamburg next year:
Indian food! (A special gift for me.) I impressed people by eating a lot of spicy red sauce that was really not all that spicy.
Cocktails. Mine is a White Russian!
Berlin:
Berlin ABSOLUTELY ABSOLUTELY exceeded my expectations. I LOVED it. It's by far my favorite city I've visited since getting here and perhaps my favorite city in the world. in contrast to Bonn, the AFS folks were extrememly flexible. We had TONS of free time and were allowed to wander the subway system by ourselves. Unfortunately I failed to take any particularly good pictures:
They've got Muji in Berlin too!
Rebecca looks concerned because we went to an international market with five people and we kept losing them:
We ended up getting caught in the rain a lot; it was really fabulous. Me with some nice girls:
The first week of June, Tang moved in with us. She was having problems with her host family in Karlsruhe, and she stays with us every weekend anyway, so my host parents said it was okay! So now we are five kids. It's been a LOT of fun; she goes to my school with me (although she's not in my class) and it's never, ever boring here. I think every weekend before I go home, I've got something planned. Last week of school, we wrote our first "Zentralische Klassenarbeit", (which are big tests we have to take at the end of 10th grade in Germany, and for the Realschüler are final exams), in German. I was pretty pleased; I probably won't be getting a passing grade, but it was an essay in German. Next week we've got them in English and Math. I probably won't even pass in English, and I'll probably accomplish two or three problems in Math -- in 2 1/2 hours. Failure. But I'm trying (like I have been for this entire year) just to forget about all of it.
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